2017- It’s going to be a good one

Hello all my gorgeous viewers

What a way to start the year! It has been raining in my hometown for a week already. I would like to think of it as a sign that it is time to allow things to grow and become green again.

Last year was not fun for many people.  A lot seemed to have happened in the last few months and everyone ended the year off with a cross face or feeling down. It is time to all stand up and watch the world grow green grass and flowers. It is time for us all to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and start to make something of our lives.

I was cleaning out my room today and decided that I was going to throw all the negative thoughts and feelings out the window and embrace the good and warmth of positivity.

It is time to grow and better ourselves. This is going to be a year where we are all going to accomplish our dreams and make a name for ourselves.

Happy new year!

Love,

Ash

xxx

Life is like a kite

Life is funny when you think about it. Life is hard and unexpected. There is nothing more challenging than going through life trying not to fall down the giant mountain on the way up to the top.

Come to think about it, life is more like the journey a kite has to face every time it is up in the air. There is always someone trying to tug on the strings and guide the kite through the air. Left and right, up and down, the kite is forever majestically, out of control.

Sometimes it flies high and sometimes low. The scary part is when you flying high and all of a sudden you find a gap in the wind and boom, you travelling 100 miles, nose down to the ground but just as you about to hit the ground, a gust of wind takes you back up to flying high in the sunset…

Life is very much like a kite. We are forever trying to climb up higher and higher and every now and again we take a fall. There is always someone who is going to come and help you get back up to where you were as well as help you go even higher.

Always strive to reach for the stars! And remember, you cannot get there alone. There is always going to be people to help you get back on top.

Hope you all have an amazing holiday and stay safe.

Love,

Ash

xxx

 

Time to change the world

Hello strangers.

I know I have been distant at the moment, I have been so busy writing for everyone else that I have forgotten to write for me.

It has been a long few weeks and I have had to overcome a lot of different mountains let alone obstacles. I have learned a lot though and I would like to share my biggest lesson I have learned.

When did we forget how to be children? Good question wouldn’t you say? I feel that once you have become an adult or you get out of school, you forget to love the small things in life. You forget to ask questions and look at the world with awe. My family mocks me and often tells me that I am immature and this is so far from the truth. I am financially stable, I have a full time job, I own a business and I make money by writing articles for overseas people and yet they think I act like a child. Truth is, I do act like a child because it keeps me grounded.

Life is hard and life is unfair however, life can be fun as well. I work a full day and come home to play Disney songs or get up to mischief with my dad because life is too short to be serious all the time. There are more people on anxiety medication or reflux medication caused by stress that the thought is actually making me sick.

Go outside and play like you played when you were children. Make a mess and laugh about it instead of screaming like an idiot about how much it cost. If you do not want it to get dirty, don’t buy it. It really is that simple!

Appreciate the small things in life like a dragonfly floating above the water or how astonishing bubbles are. If you walk past a bubble and do not want to pop it, there is something seriously wrong with it.

Take it from me, become a child from an hour a day and you will see how much better your life will become. You will be more relaxed and become more grateful for what you have.

Namaste

 

Vanilla, scent of the Month

Vanillla1

Hi there.

I will be writing about different scents I use throughout the month and why I use them so that you can get an idea of what goes through my head when I change the scents I use for treatments and products that I make.

The scent for the month is Vanilla. I love Vanilla. It is inviting, calming, smoothing. It is easy on the senses and it is very good for your body. Vanilla is high in anti-oxidants and is healing for the skin. It has a very sweet smell and when added to products, it does not really change the colour of the product I am making.

I make a few products with it. I make lip ice, body scrubs, candles, I burn vanilla incense in my treatment room to give it a warm and inviting smell.

Vanilla goes great with mint, peppermint, rooibos and berries. So give Vanilla try and see how it will enhance your day and ring positive energies to your world around you.

Namaste

Minty Fresh

There is nothing better than a cup of mint tea after a long day or mint infused creams to help relieve muscle pains…

Mint is an organic herb that you can grow in your back garden or even have in a pot in your kitchen. It is very easy to grow and loves water. All you need to do is grab a few stems from a friends house, plant it in some soil and water it daily. Watch how your mint grows like wind fire.

In terms of treating people, Mint helps with a few symptoms. First and foremost, after a very large meal one feels bloated and uncomfortable. Grab a few mint leaves, pour boiling hot water over it, wait for it to infuse and enjoy. The mint will settle your stomach and take mild nausea away. Mint also helps with body aches and pains. You can infuse mint in your bath to help with your muscles as well as make an oil out of it.( place the leaves in grape seed oil, close the lid tight and infuse the oil with the mint essence. This can take up to a month) Place the oil onto the area of concern and you have a home made natural oil.

Mint also helps boost your metabolism and all round a great herb to cook with.

So go grab your mint leaves today and start growing your very own herb or medicinal garden.

Namaste…

Breathe, Just breathe

Hello all my gorgeous viewers.

For my first ever post in my new meditation corner, I would like to teach you all the importance of breathing and giving yourself time out.

We all know that a deep breath in of Oxygen keeps us all alive. The oxygen circulates throughout our body helping our muscles, organs and so on stay healthy and alive. But how can breathing properly help us on a deeper level? A level of calmness and tranquility?

Firstly, you need to find yourself a spot. A spot that will become your safe zone and a place that you go to ground yourself and give yourself time out. My spot is a little area at the back of my house. It is quiet, peaceful and a place that is just mine.

For 10 minutes a day, I go to my spot, sit down on the ground and just breathe. The trick is, the deeper the breath, the deeper the relaxation. Before you start breathing, you need to clear your mind. No negativity allowed in this spot, no work or school drama. Just you and your positivity bubble. Now we are ready to breathe…

Sit in a comfortable position. You can play some meditation music if you would like or just listen to the sounds of nature. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Slowly taking deeper and deeper breaths. You need to focus on your breathing.

After 10 minutes, get up slowly and you are ready to face the day in a calmer and more tranquil mood. Remember, that you can do this as often as you need to. You can also have more than one spot. Can have one at home, one at work and find one when you even on holiday.

I like to start and end my day off with this simple but effective breathing technique.

Namaste

Time for something new

Good evening my gorgeous viewers.

I have been battling at the moment with grounding myself and finding time to just breathe and be one with the world once again so…

I am adding an addition to my blog. It is called Meditation Corner. I will be posting stuff that will enlighten your life. Such as ways in which to breathe properly, surrounding yourself with good people and energy, detox waters and so on. Everything that will give you time out and help you and myself recenter our thoughts and feelings.

What do you guys think about my new addition?

Will be posting new material soon.

Love always,

Ash

Dear future me

I need to learn a thing or two. Help myself through the drought. It is as if I need to become immune, to what is going on around me.

I need to learn to let go. Understand that people won’t do for me what I do for them. I need to learn to say no and do a thing or two for myself instead.

It is time to become desensitized to the evil that surrounds my white light. Time for a change and something exciting and new to uplift my stale mood.

People will change and cancel your plans. I think it is because you are so forgiving and laid back. Get used to it because it happens a lot, even in work.

People tend to take their problems out on you. You have broad shoulders and tops that tend to absorb a lot of tears. This is what makes you a healer.

You cannot cry in front of people. They can’t stand to see the strong one fall apart. So wait until you home alone or under your sheets. Pull yourself together, it will be fine.

You the one that fixes everyone else. It is your talent in life. Only issue is… people don’t always seem to be able to fix you.

Life motto: Pick yourself up, Dust yourself off, start walking and count to 10.

Good luck!

All my love,

Me

Time Restraints

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

As the strap gets wrapped
around my fragile neck,
my heart begins to race.
WAIT! I need one more sec…

The buckle gets fastened
and my neck begins to grow.
Losing air quickly I fear.
All I want to do is say no.

Tic toc tic toc.
The time slowly tics away.
Suffocation takes over!
I am defeated… I have no say.

Nothing is no longer free.
Time controls it all.
One hour coffee here and there.
Everything is restricted, I’ve hit a wall.

I am slowly suffocating with time restraints.
I can no longer be spontaneous.
That’s what happens when you grow up.
Watch out the window… is a sure miss.

Life goes on

Hello all my gorgeous viewers out there!

Life has been very hectic to say the least. I have been out of college for 5 months now and I still have not completely found my feet yet…

Business is not bad at the moment. Had a few glitches here and there but I am slowly getting back onto my feet.

My new venture of the month is writing professionally. I now write for companies all over the world which has given me a lot of experience and opened up doors for me that I did not even know was there.  So from now on when I write on my blog, I might be writing things just to test the waters and try new writing styles so please feel free to email me and ask me to write posts about stuff that you would like to read about it.

Life is hard my friends. We get knocked down and shot out of cannons and walked over like we are a piece of litter on the floor but the trick to it all is: Get yourself up, dust  yourself off, start walking and count to 10. This will help you calm down, clear your thoughts and allow you to move on and find the green grass.

Much love,

Ash

 

 

Life’s a milkshake

Image result for kid enjoy his milkshake

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

So bad yet so good.
Can always switch up your mood.
Strawberry, chocolate, vanilla or lime…
Life can be boring or full of slime.

Lumps and bumps or smooth sailing.
The sky can be blue then suddenly hailing.
Can be full of love and make you cry
or doubt your decisions and wonder why.

Full of taste, yum, colour and divine.
You will smile when you see the sign.
Low fat, full cream or double thick,
life is full of choices, experiment, take a lick.

This is a weird metaphor you may say
but lets be honest, it made your day.
Go on, enjoy your full cream milkshake…
Soon it will be finished…another? you can’t make.

Could be the vodka talking or my sad, broken soul

Today, a milestone was taken away from me because people cannot be trusted. Even on paper they seem to promise things they never deliver. Dedicate 3 years of your life to a place and they will stab you in the back the second they get the chance. 

Being burnt so many times kinda makes you carry around a fire blanket or extinguisher. If I didn’t… Could you just imagine how much worse I would be? Never mind 3 degree burns, my soul would be ash and my heart will be hard as stone and cold as ice. 

I always wonder why hurtful things happen to people who try to do their best and be good people and help people along the way. I guess sometimes you just have to focus on you and maybe just maybe someone will come along and look after you for an hour or so… Doesn’t have to be a boyfriend or girlfriend. Nor a job or a friend but a something or someone to take the pain away and show you that it will be ok…

Sob story now over… It is time to make use of my new burn. Show the world that I don’t go down so easily. My heart might be breaking and my eyes might be dry as a desert but my heart is still beating and is still able to drive my body to victory. 

I have been burnt way too many times to trust people whole heartedly. It is time to do something for me and not worry what it will do to other people because end of the day the only thing you ever own is you name!

So own it. Stand up for it. Only you can drive your name forward in a positive light.

Think about it…

Ash

Xxx

Time to cut ties

 

confident

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

I find it rather amazing
how one call can make snap.
One jester can mean the world…
But I guess I never got that lightening zap.

In your eyes I don’t deserve recognition.
I don’t even deserve a sarcastic well done.
In your eyes I took the easy way out
a beauty school drop out, excuse the pun.

Call me jealous, selfish or even a bitch.
Call me whatever you like, I don’t mind.
BUT I am cutting you all loose.
I don’t need your constant grind.

My life choices don’t affect you.
Frankly I am happy and I don’t care.
I will run circles around you and your degree!
Try me… I enjoy a good dare.

Jealousy or does it go deeper than that?

Dear fellow viewers…

Life is hard and frankly it sucks! So many negative people and negative feelings and events, that it’s starting to make the world look grey and colourless.

I have always been the type of person to find the good. Try find the colour in every storm but lately it seems to get a lot harder every event. People seem to be losing their inner sunshine and that has become a real downer on the people like myself who try hard to be positive. Eventually it starts to drain you to the point whereby you stop seeing the colour and all you see is the grey and that is very scary for me.

See events happen and that can make you feel jealous. Like you don’t get the same attention or don’t get to see that person as often anymore. You have to sit and listen to everything they have to say even if it hurts you deep down inside but here is the trick… is it just jealousy or does it go deeper than that?

I have a constant need to feel loved. My down fall I guess. A lot has happened in my life and I need constant reminders that I am loved and that people need me and care for me. If people don’t need me, I can’t help and then a bit part of my soul and who I am does not get fed… Kind of like a plant that needs water to grow and survive… Because of this, I tend to feel threatened by people who seem to think they can take my place. People who think they deserve the same attention and affection that I worked years to get. That bugs me. That makes me see the grey and not the colour because I get discouraged.

Moral of my story: People have their own flaws. We have issues that run deeper than most people think and know and because of this, people might feel like its one emotion when it is actually deeper and more intense than that… Always remember that people feel the way they do for a reason. How we act and what we say affects people. So just be careful and maybe once in awhile, listen and take in what people say cause you never know what colour you could be taking away from them…

Ash

xxx

Encrypted

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

Deep within our soul lies an
Evil monster brewing so cold.
Praying on the innocence of
Run away minds and thoughts. So
Excitingly scary… at the same time
Someone always seems to fall short.
Slowly slipping into another dimension.
Immersing into a pool of black,darkness.
Only seeing the now and not the full
Notion of the ride that’s called life.

Canceling those thoughts cane be hard.
And a challenge however, they can turn
Nice if you try your best.

Breaking the barrier is possible and stopping
Evil from all sides can most definitely happen.

Basically what I’m trying to say is:
Every bad has ten more good and
Anyone has the power with a support system…
The moral is: Depression Can Be Beat!

Boxed Out

 

 

left out

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

I don’t feel boxed in…
I’m not surrounded by walls.
I can see the entire picture.
I’m not locked out by doors…

I can see the sky above me.
I can feel the fresh green grass.
I only have one problem…
You on the other side of the glass.

I don’t feel boxed in.
I guess that’s because I’m on the outside.
I’m looking out in and watching you.
The distance between is far too wide.

I guess it’s all ok.
I know I’ll be in once again.
But this whole idea…
has caused a bit of pain.

Shattered Mirror

Image result for shattered mirror

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

I used to look into a mirror
and see a life so clear.
As I looked into the distance,
I see people far and near.

The more comfortable I got,
the more I could clearly see.
Distinguishing who was pure
and understood who liked me.

But as I came closer to the end
a fog overtook my clear picture.
It’s almost like someone pointed a light
but all you could see was fade and flicker.

My mirror is now shattered.
Pieces of what used to be on the floor.
Something that I used to hold dear…
Is just memory, but reality no more.

 

Scrambled eggs… as thoughts

Hello all my gorgeous viewers and welcome to the amazing world called my brain…

Ok, so it is not that amazing but hey, I got your attention. Right time to get down to business… I finish my diploma in 2 weeks. I cannot really say that out loud because my household or close people don’t really seem to want to talk about it. They try to, they will bring up next year or what am I going to do to celebrate but no-one really seems to want to talk about the now. How am I feeling now, what am I going to do now? The answer… I have no idea.

Next: You know that allowing little green thing that pops into your life every once in awhile at the most annoying times? The time whereby you really do not need him. Yes we all know that hated feeling called jealousy. Not much to say really except for the fact that when you tend to feel insecure about something, the green monster shines brighter than the Nelson Mandela bridge. It is as if he has been practicing his whole life for this one moment… “Ok I am ready… To make life complicated and moments horrible and awkward” That is exactly what it feels like. And then loan-behold you are stuck in this moment trying not to hurt anyone’s feelings but the truth of the matter is, you are sick and tired of having to share what is yours. Barney isn’t always right… surely?

Ladies and gentleman my solution to all this… drown myself is work. Always fixes stuff for me. Just focus on something else. The art of distraction as they say… But truth of it all, you cannot keep running. Sometimes you need to face this green monster and allow your own inner monster to shine even brighter… So no more running or trying to hide…

I am finishing in 2 weeks and I am scared as hell however I have worked really hard the past 3 years and I deserve to be finished. I feel proud and like I have conquered this giant hill called college. Moving on to bigger and better things…

Hope you all have an amazing week filled with accomplishments and life changing thoughts.

Ash

xxx

The rose

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

Started off as a little seed
barely breaking through the earth.
As the time passes, stems begin to grow
and soon after permanent roots form.

Seasons change and buds connect.
The summer sun allows flowers to blossom.
Fragrances fill the crisp air
and colours broaden the garden spectrum.

The flower brings in positivety.
Sometimes even looks like it is judging.
It is there to be a home to animals
and a voice of reason for lost souls.

Winter comes and takes it away.
Everything is just sad and morbid
BUT you have a picture of your rose in your mind.
I wish it was forever…frozen in time.

Protective

Image result for wrinkly hands holding young hands

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

Soft but wrinkly,
warm but shaky.
Lack of strength
yet full of love.

You held my hand
as tight as you could.
You’ll never let go you said.
Never, even if you should.

Protective

Yet willing to explore.
Allowing me to venture.
Travel far or near
You’ll be there for me.

Everyone has a breaking point

Good evening all you gorgeous viewers…

Time to get serious: Life is hard at the best of times. Work and studying and just everything in general. Makes life a complete challenge… a challenge we all believe that we don’t need at times. Sometimes it would just be nice if everything went smoothly and without issues but then we get hit with yet another curve ball… pressure

Too little pressure, you not motivated enough, too much pressure you tend to find your breaking point very fast. I found mine not so long ago… I have been pushed to my limit and at times, it feels like I have been pushed off the edge. I need to get good marks, be a good sister, be a good girlfriend, be a good friend.. be a good thing and that and the list just does not end… And then another curve ball comes me way… Sit back and accept.

Now for those of you who know me and my writing will know that I am a very patient person when it comes to people. Well people I like. Lately I have had to accept a lot. I finish this year, my brother finishes this year, I have lost yet another group of friends, I probably won’t be friends with many people from college, I have to start thinking about an adult future… That is a lot to accept, And then I get asked to sit back and accept being left out. Now I am a very stubborn, hardheaded person. Once you put an idea in my head, it takes a lot to remove it. Once I fight with someone over something, I will very seldom go towards the thing that makes me fight. Just feels like a bad vibe with bad energies around it. Doesn’t that makes sense? You fight over it so surely there is something negative around it… I hope you did not think that was the last curve ball cause now you see, you have to juggle. I want tricks, and flips and you are not allowed to drop a ball… Bingo… Breaking point

Handling one at a time is very easy. I can do it in my sleep. Juggling I am also good at. My life is balanced. I find time for everyone. Its my super power. But you see, problem comes in when I’m juggling and it feels like one ball is too heavy and my arms get sore and I miss the catch. I do tend to break… Smash a mirror enough times and it will shatter. That’s what has happened to me. I have shattered. I am no longer juggling because I am tired. I am tired of just accepting, I am tired of pressure and I am tired. Everyone has a breaking point. Everyone can ask for something, even if it is selfish… The juggler gets a chance too.

But I am the juggler, the fixer, the doer. So I will pick up all my balls, take a deep breath and juggle yet again…

Till next time

Ash

Dear Brother

Image result for matric 2015

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

I sat by your cot
and watched you sleep.
I sat patiently watching,
you didn’t make a peep.

I was there before you smiled,
laughed and spoke.
I was even there
before your first chock.

Your first steps,fall,
cry and lie.
I was there long before
you started to question how and why.

Grade 1 was oh so hard.
The rest came like a gentle breeze.
Time stopped for no-one…
I’m not crying, I just sneezed.

Today you stand before me
all grown up, armed with your Bic.
Today you stand before me
as a brave 2015 Matric.

Tree of life

Image result for tree of life

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

As I look up
the blue is blocked.
Branches as long as poles
intertwined and locked.

Homes to many…
bird, flower or bee.
What an amazing site.
Truly remarkable to see.

BUT

If you look past the green…
Focus your eyes beyond.
You’ll see the sky crystal blue
and a white cloud with a great bond.

Somethings we need to look past
what seems to be in the way.
Turns out those locks create a scene
to inhibit a perfect day

The beginning of the end

To all my gorgeous viewers… I want to say thank you

Thank you for listening to all my sob stories and for allowing me this opportunity to voice my opinion.

I am standing at the door waiting to open it up to my new life. No more school or college or teachers. No more studying or headaches before results come out. I now stand before the door waiting to join the big leagues and guess what….

I am beyond scared! But at the same time I am very excited. So here is to my last set of exams, more time to post all my new stuff. Just by the way, I have been working on a lot of new material so I will post and share with you all very soon!

Have an explosive night…

Ash

Fear

good evening everyone. Long time I know…

Great thoughts always branch off from someone once told me… So I think it’s time I share a thought that someone once told me

The greatest fear you will ever have is feeling completely safe with someone… Now how is that your greatest fear? Feeling safe with someone should not be a fear but should be something we cherish and is greatful for… Or am I wrong?

Turns out I am wrong. My biggest fear is being so happy and comfortable with someone else. What happens if that person leaves? Realizes you not all that and one day just goes and never comes back? This person doesn’t have to be a boyfriend or girlfriend. Can be a sister, brother, best friend…

We cannot let our fear of losing someone get the best of us because if we do then we will be stuck living our nightmare… A life without our rock or safety net.

Don’t let your fear of Being happy and safe ruin your happiness. Enjoy and cherish what you have because  you will regret it if you let go

My inspiration

hi guys. I think it is time I write about this awesome and astonishing person who has impacted my life so much that I would not be the person I am without her.

As most of you know, I have had one school teacher that has inspired me so much that I write today because of him. Mr Maduna was my grade 9 English teacher and it was because of him,that I realized that I can write poetry and even a book. Now, I have so many people reading my work and commenting. You guys truly fill my heart with joy because of your comments. I am so thankful for the fact that you all take time out of your busy lives to read and comment on my work. And I have him to thank for that… Now on my next venture into life, I have a new lady who inspires me to be better at what I do and to reach for the stars…

I met this amazing lady 3 years ago. She was the only person that had the patience to sit with me endless amounts of hours and teach me how to paint the perfect nail in 3 strokes. Sounds strange I know but if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

She has been there for me ever since first year and I know that she will be there for me in the years to come.   She has saved me in so many instances that I cannot name them all. However, I can that she has gotten me through one of the hardest times in my life so far and I will forever be grateful to her. Anyone who has had the pleasure to cross paths with her would know how inspirational and loving she really is. She will spend endless hours with you until you get the work right or even just lend an ear to listen to.

When you look up at the sky and you see that quiet,shy little star in the sky, you tend to think to yourself that that star can make the most impact because it’s not all in your face. She is the exact same. I am very happy that I was blessed with meeting her and that she has stayed in my crazy but fun life.

thank you so much Miss.C. You are a true inspiration to me.

Love you stacks.

Ash

xxx

Mirror Image

Image result for mirror image

Hey guys,

Ever wonder how someone else sees you? Not in a physical way but in an emotional, psychological way? Do they see you for who you are? Someone they can use and abuse? Someone who can mean the entire world to them however act like they don’t care that much when they with other people?

Interesting question right?

I have always been a straight forward person. If I don’t like you, I won’t pretend I like you in front of other people. If I love you, I am going to love you so that everyone else knows what you mean to me. I am a mirror image. How I see you, I show you and other people. If you my entire world and oxygen, people know that and know that I will check up on you and talk to you even when I am not with you.

People change when they are around other people. You might have to be more professional, act like an adult and not a child but does that mean that you treat people differently and don’t do what you normally would if they weren’t around? Granted, the people you are with need your attention and running around and being in other places the whole time is wrong but your every day actions should not change and how you treat people shouldn’t change either.

Learn to be a mirror image and not a person who changes because of surroundings…

Love

Ash

You know you getting old when…

Hey guys,

Long time! So I turned 21 on Monday. Scary stuff. I have been writing for you guys for about 5 years already. My how times flies when you are having fun…

So I am about to enter into my last ever June exams! How scary is that!? To think I am done studying this year is mind blowing. I have a feeling a lot of poems is going to come out of the next month or so, so I suggest you watch this space because an explosion of feelings are coming your way..

Love

Ash

Now what

Have you guys ever been hit with a rock so big that you have no idea how you feel? You know that feeling when you run into the garage door, fall on the floor and you start to laugh before you cry because your body is just so numb? Or how about when you are just so angry you don’t care? Welcome to my world…

I have been faced with one of my biggest relationship challenges I think I have ever been faced. There are just so many people to consider that I have got no idea how to move forward from here. And my best part, when I think I am ready to move on… The rock comes back to hit me with even more force.

My puzzle that used to be my life, a perfect picture with a few spaces between them has now turned into a mess on the floor and I want to just walk away. But I can’t… why… because I am not the only one to consider. There are other people being effected by this rock. People who used to love this rock but right now, all I see is the mold.

I guess once you hurt me to a point, I break. I am strong but right now I am far from it. I am injured and torn and just in pieces and I am not sure what my glue is… For those of you know read my work often will know about my broken plate idea. (Go look in my theories section for the broken plate) So I do not think that right now there is a way to fix my plate right now and this is scaring me a lot.

So now what…

It’s my birthday!

Good evening guys!

Poetsandall turns 5 today! How amazing is that! I have had this blog for 5 years now and I hope to have it for another 50 or more.

I would just like to thank my amazing viewers for sticking by me for all these years. I could not have done this without you guys and all your comments.

My writing Mentor saw a light inside me and he lit it. It is an eternal flame that will be burning forever and as long as I have my inspirations, muse, and you guys, I will continue to write till my heart’s content!

Thank you all once again!

Love

Ash

xxx

Trigger Point

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

I feel like a trigger point.
Hidden deep inside the muscle.
I’m larking around waiting…
waiting to be heard.

Everything around me is tense.
Everything is out of place and red.
Their voice is being heard
but I’m still waiting.

I’m slowly being covered up.
It’s like the roof and walls are closing in.
Now I’m even deeper down
and I don’t think I’m going to be heard.

My rage builds up
and I cause enough pain.
Enough to be healed
but finally heard

Simplicity

Good evening all you gorgeous people…

My post tonight is very basic and simple.Learn to love the simple things in life.

A friend and I were talking and she is so negative at the moment its raining on my positive parade and I do not like that. We need to remember that life happens! We get knocked down and we get picked up and once again we get knocked down. Guys, that is life. It is how the story goes BUT we need to start looking at things differently.

Rain comes as a shower or a storm. We don’t get to choose how it comes but we choose how we look at it. Either the storm has flooded us and we stuck inside. No way out because everything out there is flooded… or we look at it in a way that is positive. Rain waters our grass to make it greener in the long run.

They say shit hits the fan… You can take it as a bad thing and everything get messed or you look at it as redecorating. A change of scenery and colour…

Moral of my post is simple… Always look on the bright side of life. Don’t look at the bad as bad but as a lesson to help you grow and blossom into something more beautiful… A caterpillar gets crammed into a little nest or pod. Think its comfortable in there? I think its like being suffocated but it is worth it because it gets transformed into a gorgeous creature… a butterfly…

Fly with grace

Ash

xxx

Drained is an understatement

Good evening all you beautiful people…

I honestly have no idea how I have any energy left but the past few weeks have taught me a very valuable lesson I would like to share with you guys.

I have been studying to become a sports massage therapist. This is basically someone who treats muscles and muscle problems and disorders. We are the people that you get sent to when you have hurt yourself and need rehab for that muscle. Now you can imagine how much work and pain this course must be… 40 hours a week of hard, intense massage is what I have done for 3 weeks and I have the bruises and torn muscles to prove it. All of this pain is not my point of my story. Point of my story is as follows…

Through all the tears and pain and bruises, my passion and love for what I do grew even stronger. As I felt my muscle tear I began to realise that this is what I want to do with my life. I want to help treat people and make them ok again. I want to heal.

So for everyone out there who is struggling and have no idea why they do what they do, think of what make you fall in love with your work… what drove you and made you take this road?

Just remember that sometimes the bruises and pain is worth it..

Love

Ash

xxx

Falling wall

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

As your word slowly pierce my chest
I try my best to breathe.
Take me over, be my guest.
I dare you to try but don’t grieve.

You don’t understand the strength needed
to please someone who can’t be pleased.
To feel your mission’s not completed
To feel like you not better than a disease.

I guess even the strongest wall
will eventually give in.
Everything will surely fall
and the best wall standing will win

Safe to say my wall has collapsed.
I’m taking in all the dust.
I’m so tired of all your attacks
but that’s what happens when you lose all trust.

4 years and counting

I still remember standing still, as my ear heard the news. Took awhile for my body to register what I had just heard. My heart dropped, my blood rushed to my feet, my legs went numb and I dropped to my knees. I could not believe what I was hearing. I spoke to him a mere 4 hours before. It could not be true… It shouldn’t be true…

My best friend was killed by a speeding car. He just could not fight any longer and his heart gave in. He is really gone and I sometimes still think that he will jump up from the bushes to scare me or give me a hug from behind… 4 years ago I lost the one person who was always on my side. Even when I got into trouble he was right there next to me getting into more trouble than I was.

Ry, at your funeral, I was fine up until the sand hit your coffin. One hit, that sound went rushing through my body and I dropped and broke down. I should not have buried my best friend when I was 16 years old. That just was not right. I wrote  speech for you at your assembly. I spoke about our last deep conversation and still to this day I stick to our promise. It breaks my heart that I am writing this post because you should be next to me drinking a Spin and listening to Simple Plan. I guess I am going to have to do it for us both.

I do not know if this gets easier but right now, it seems like it does not. Your memory floods my mind and your love still makes me smile. So here we go, a start of another year without you. I specialise this year and you would be done this year as well… So here is to us.

I love you lots Ry

Love

Me

xxx

Goodbye 2014 hello 2015

Good evening all my gorgeous viewers… Miss me?

Tonight’s post is not something sad nor happy. It is a mere memory of me saying goodbye and letting go of what I do not need and cherishing what I have got…

Goodbyes first: I would like to say goodbye to my diploma as I am finally finished! no more studying for waxing or make-up. No more 10 hour exams. I am done with my Somotology diploma.How scary is that? I remember sitting outside massaging my mom’s best friend ten years ago telling her how much I would love to do this as a job one day. I am the type of person who will get what she wants and will stop at nothing until I get it. So i convinced my dad to come to the open day  with me. He did not want me to become a beauty school drop out but once he saw much work I would have to put in, he was more than happy to let me do it. Now here I am… At the finish line. This year was hard for me. Not only from a school point of view but from an emotional one as well. My family fell apart, my grandfather has not been well at all and I have had to say goodbye to people who have died and they meant a lot to me.

Looking back at the year, you would say that the year has been pretty dull,grey and gloomy.I have fought with my sister more times with year than I think I have in my entire life. I have been knocked down so many times that I am surprised I am still standing but I do prefer to look at the bright side. I for one love colour so here is my colour…

I have grown as a person so much this year. I have become who I have wanted to be for awhile and although there is always room for improvement, I am very happy with who and what I have become.

I would like to say hello to: specialising in a field whereby I can heal people with the power of touch. Next year my dream comes true and I cannot be happier. My boyfriend and I will be going out for a year next year, that is pretty big for me. My brother will be finishing school and starting his own career and following his own dreams. My Shmoobear will be in grade 10. She chose her subjects. Scary to think she is starting to work on her dreams for after school. My lil sis will be in second year… She is able to follow her dreams and produce a lot next year.

I look forward to seeing them grow and for me to grow with them. Looking at is from this angle… next year does not look too bad at all. Got a few things planned such an concerts, business ventures and hopefully an amazing trip to end off the year.

So goodbye 2014. You have taught me a lot and have shown me what it means to look at the real colours in life and in people.

Focus on the rainbow and not on the rain guys.

Love

Ash

xxx

Some things you just cannot fix

Hey guys

A few years ago I wrote a thesis about family and I said that it was like a broken plate and that if you want to, you can glue it back together. Won’t be the same but it will still be together… Well guess what, I lied…

Some plates cannot be fixed. Some are just so far gone that no amount of glue can hold it together. Some family fights are just so big that you just cannot fix it and see eye to eye and often the problem is not the siblings but the spouses that come with it.

I am heart broken and I cannot bare the thought of having a wedding without my family there but I guess sometimes, you just need to accept your losses and move on. Rough I know But these are words of a person who just cannot try anymore. 12 years ago, I was in a car accident and I was in hospital for a bit. I was 8 years old and some of my uncles did not come and see me. I thought it was my fault and ever since then, my family has not been the same. Turns out it was not my fault at all but at the time, that is what I felt.

I have done everything I can to try glue this plate together but I am not winning and I am HURTING BADLY because of it. So that is me… I am putting the brush down and letting it be. I cannot fight anymore because I am tired and hurt. I thought it would be ok but maybe not. I don’t wish them harm. I love them all even though I don’t know them

Do yourself a favour… If your plate is broken, understand that it can only be fixed if the pieces want to work with the glue and think about your actions before you exclude people from a big family event

Dragonfly

dragonfly

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

Do you ever feel like a dragonfly?
like life is at a stand still.
You seem to just be hovering.
it is like you have no will…

You don’t go up
you don’t go down.
The world is changing around you
and you just the joke of the town.

You hover over water.
You hover under sky.
You fly next to people
and you cant help but wonder why

Why are you just hovering?
Why isn’t life moving for you?
Maybe you just need to observe…
Maybe hovering shows you what’s true

Life is way too short!

Hey guys

3 years ago my best friend died. I had no idea how to deal with it or where to begin to move on… 3 years later, his best friend died yesterday 21… Scary concept to put into your mind. 21 year olds dying and not being able to live out their dream or finish a degree. Some don’t even have the opportunity to start.

My ex lost his mom on Thursday night. She died from cancer.

Too many tragedies for me in one week. Makes realise how important life is and how precious it is. So my message to you all is as follows:

Pick up the phone and tell the people you love how much they mean to you. Tell the people in your household how much you care about them and how you appreciate what they do for you because you never know when the last time you going to get the opportunity to express your love for them.

I wish these families long life and I hope they get the strength to pull through…

Love

Ash

Road trip

images
By: Ashlee Zlotnick

A couple of miles down the road
I stop to take a look…
I suddenly begin to realise
what chapters are removed and added to my book.

12 years went by fast
but was fun the say the least.
Only difference is now
I’m the only one left at this feast.

I’m alone in this corner now.
Not one of you stood by me.
All that’s left is a memory
or two… maybe three.

But then I open my eyes
and begin to really see.
Not one of you were really there…
at least not for me.

That’s ok I guess.
You weren’t meant to be on my trip.
I’m going uphill now!
I hope you all enjoy your downhill dip

Say no to bullying

Good evening all my gorgeous viewers

So I would firstly like to thank you all for reading my blog and for going on all my life journeys with me. I am glad that I have a place whereby I can say what I am thinking and people are willing to listen. If I have not been able to reach you with my writing I am sorry but I am going to try reach everyone with me new post…

We have all had that one person that makes our body go cold at the thought or mention of their name. You know, that person that bullied you into giving you their lunch money or pushing you around to the point whereby you do not want to see their face or even be in the same room as them? Ya those people… well it is time to put this madness to an end!

Brave hearts is an NGO that helps people deal with bullies and allows them to learn with it and move on. Emotional pain lasts forever where as physical can heal up but the hurt and memories last forever. Now I am not one of those who write about the bad and the darkness but this is a serious problem that needs to be solved now and we are starting this off with a friendship bracelet… Bravehearts will be at Carnival City on the second of October 2014 in conjunction with EFC South Africa, we are starting to create awareness and stop bullying dead in its tracks. We will be selling 2 orange ribbons. One will be for you and the other you are going to give to someone else. A friend, someone you meet in the streets and so on. It is time that we all stand together and show all the bullies out there that we are no longer afraid and we are proud of who we are!

I wear my orange ribbon with pride. It is time that you do too

https://www.facebook.com/groups/braveheartsngo/

At a loss for words

Hey guys

You know that feeling you get when you just have an urge to write but have no idea what to write on? Well, lucky me, I have that right now…

So there is a time in everyone’s life whereby they have to sit back and watch people. I am going through that stage. All my younger siblings are growing up rather quickly and I cannot stop that. I have to just sit back and watch them grow up and hope that I have shown them enough to be able to stand on their own. I am not very good at this as I don’t like the idea of my siblings being somewhere or in a situation whereby I cannot help them or be there. It is like you having a really annoying itch and not being able to scratch it. Same thing.

Having said that, this past weekend I did exactly that. I just left my itch and I came to realise how grow up and amazing they really are. Shira has grown up into a girl who is strong willed and doesn’t give into peer pressure. Sam has grown into a very fine young man who treats girls with respect and he has become very protective over my little sis… Where to start with her. She has just grown up into a woman that is proud yet conservative, and she has a mind of her own. They all do. They all know what they want and they won’t stop until they get there. Sure there are a few bumps in the road but that will make them stronger.

I am very proud to call them my siblings and I am very proud of who they have become. Sometimes taking a step back isn’t such a bad thing. Allows you to see the whole picture a lot clearer

Ash

xxx

Life is like a box of chocolates

Hi everyone… Did you ALL miss me? Don’t you worry cause I am back and I am ready to take over the world!

It has been a very long time I know and honestly I don’t have a very good excuse except for the fact that I have started my own business, I am getting my first diploma in 3 months, I am qualifying for an international diploma and I am trying to be a good sister and girlfriend all at the same time. Fun juggling act right!?

I don’t think I am doing too badly. I am getting my work done, I have got a steady flow of clients, I still have a boyfriend and my siblings have not killed me yet so all in all life is good. I am not going to mumble on about all the boring stuff and not have a metaphor or a meaning behind my madness, after all it is me we talking about so here we go…

Once upon a time, a not so very long time ago someone once told me that I need to reach for the stars and one day maybe, I will touch one and soon after that, I will become a star myself and inspire people to reach out and grab something that seems so far away… My Pa taught me that before he died. So here I am, nearly 15 years later and I have reached my first star… Now I am not the type of person who believes in luck but I do believe in fate as a guidance or torch to help guide you on the right path. My path is pretty simple: Create an atmosphere whereby people feel safe and at home with me in every aspect of their life… Airy fairy I know but it is true. I want my life to have meaning not just a bank card or cheque book. I want to touch lives and make people reach for the stars. I want to help people see their inner beauty and believe in themselves and at the same time, make people realise how strong they really are.

Forest Gump said:”Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know which one you gonna get.” How true is that? Life is unpredictable. We don’t know what we are going to have to deal with and let go of. Who we going to gain in our lives and so on… 2 years ago I left school with more friends than I can count on my hands and feet, now I have a hand full. People who I thought would stay didn’t and people who I didn’t think would be there, has turned into my boyfriend. Life works in very weird ways. Having said that the element of surprise is exciting. Opening up that chocolate, taking the first bite and only then understanding what you chose or got given.

So, with a smile on your face and a twinkle in your eye, open up that chocolate with an open mind and heart because you never know what is going to be in the center.

Ash

xxx 

Souls

By:Ashlee Zlotnick

As the sun shone over the building, the hall got very cold. A gush of wind came and over took our souls as the wooden doors opened. Colder than ice the noisy metal carried the wooden box to another hall. Slowly everyone followed…

Dead silence but a thousand thoughts filled the room. Then the sound of the shirts tearing overwhelmed the silence. They began to move again. Slowly everyone followed…

The sun blinded our tears as people were called up to accompany the box to the final destination. Sun shining, gorgeous blue sky but the trees were dead and the walk was very long and torturous. Everywhere you look there stones and symbols of love and devotion. Devastation yet so peaceful. Finally we arrived at the site and the family followed the box until it reached the whole. Slowly everyone followed…

Outcries of sadness and shock echoed in this open plan place as prayers were said to send the loved one on and then it hit. The hollowing sound that makes your stomach drop and is the slap in the face by reality that it is time to say goodbye. The sand hits the coffin… 1…2…3…Next and slowly everyone followed…

Time for a new hill

Hey guys

Yes I know, long time I am sorry. I have just started a new business so my time is not very well spent posting. Catch up time don’t you all think?

2 years ago I embarked on a journey into my adult future. Strange thought right? To think that I finally get to be qualified in my dream job at the end of the year is just mind blowing and I cannot grasp this concept for some reason. I am so used to studying, assignments, lectures and so on and to think that this is all coming to an end very soon is very scary to me. Having said that, I needed to take this journey and lose a few bags along the way…

I am not one to let go. I am the one person who will forever help someone I love or used to love. No more! Let me explain: You know when you walk into a house with dirty shoes and you wipe your shoes on that mat. Now to you that mat means nothing but to the owner of the house, you have saved them a lot of trouble and cleaning. People use other people as doormats. A mere symbol of cleansing and time saving. How is that fair? If I clean your shoes, you should clean mine. That is how it should be however that is how it is NOT. No matter where you are in life, school, college, work, homeless whatever the case is, you will always find people who use and abuse you and I am not being a doormat for people anymore. I think it is time to stand up and walk away from certain people who just do not see what I can do for them.

I love helping people. No matter how, I will always find a way to help but I don’t need to help people who don’t help me. Life is hard as it is, why should we carry extra baggage that is of no use to us?

On a lighter note: We get those few people in life who make life worth living. You know who I am talking about. The ones who will come to you at 9 in the morning to make you laugh or the people who are there when you are sick. The ones who are just there because they love your company… Do not lose faith in humanity because there are those few gems in the world that make the sun shine and the birds sing. A sister, brother, friend, lover, spouse, your children!

Time to concentrate on the good people in our lives and not jump for the ones who won’t jump for us. Time to focus on a new hill. It is a new adventure with a lot of opportunities and obstacles but you need to think… Do you want to carry the bags on your own or drop a few and have people help you through the journey?

Dear Ryan

Hey Ry

I know I have not written to you in a very long time. Truth is life right now is a bit of a rush and I just don’t feel like anything is slowing down anytime soon.

My businesses are slowly but surely growing and with hard work and dedication, I will get to where I want to go. Remember when we used to sit on the bench at school and talk about our futures and what we wanted to do and stuff… guess that is not going to happen. You were supposed to be here with me. You were supposed to do all this stuff with me and decide where to go from college. But I guess you are with me in spirit.

I went to school yesterday with Natalia. Was the first time I have seen your tree this year. It has grown so much! the leaves are bright green and the tree is tall. Made me smile to see it so big it is and made me stop and breathe and think… We were never the type of people who had patience for fake people and falseness so why the hell do I have those people in my life right now? I have been so closed minded to what has been going on around me. I have forgotten to look and stop to smell the roses. Sam has his learners! my little brother is driving and Natalia, OMG Ry you would be so proud of her. I know I am. She is driving well and she is doing what she loves. She talks with such passion and dedication. I am one proud sister. And then of course Shish: She is dancing like a demand! Like doing all these contests and stuff. She is going far. She is probably going to Germany to dance. How awesome is that! I have not taken the time to grasp all these things because I just don’t want either of them to grow up I guess but they are and they loving the journey. They not so brave every now and again but I guess that is what I am here for.

Friends, wow umm I am not sure what to say about them. Most of them are beyond fake and self-centred. I just cannot believe that it has taken me this long to realise that they are not there for me like I am or was for them but you know what, I have got the most amazing support system you can imagine and I would not want anything different. I don’t need those other people in my life. I just have the right amount of people who love and care for me as much as I do them.

That is about it for now Ry. I love you and I miss you a lot. Hope you are drinking enough for me.

Love
Ash
xxx

Life after decisions

Hey guys

Today I am writing on the idea of making decisions and not regretting them after you choose it.

For half of my life I have wanted to be in the industry that I am currently in. 10 years ago I had this amazing idea to get qualified and then go and work on the ships for a year or two, come back and then open up my own spa. Great idea right? The plot behind it was to have the ability to run away from my family. At that stage I did not like being around my family at all and any chance I could get, I would go out without the. Now this ‘dream’ could come true in about 6 months. I will be qualified and I will have the opportunity to go on the ships BUT I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want to run nor jog out of here. I want to stay and be here for my family. You night all think I am stupid but sometimes there are certain people in life that you just cannot leave behind and come back to. Distance ruins a lot of relationships and I am not prepared to lose a specific person over a job nor do I want to miss out on my siblings growing up.

I made the decision not to go about a year ago and I cannot be more happier with a decision than what I am with this one. Life after a decision should not end with regret because you chose that specific outcome for a reason at that time. Now you cannot argue with yourself 10 years down the line as to why you didn’t choose the other option. Truth is, in that moment, you chose the right decision for you in the end. Sometimes giving up on a ‘dream’ is a lot more beneficial than giving up on family.

I did not close the door on something without a window being opened. Now I just have different decisions to make that will allow me to stay close by to my family and allow my relationships to grow and blossom into something worth staying for.

Look at the bigger picture guys. Life after a decision is not to be regretted! You chose that path for a reason so don’t doubt yourself in 5 years time. You got there for a reason and you chose it to benefit you more when you needed it.

Keep smiling

Ash
xxx

writers constipation

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

Paper’s blank,
pen’s unused.
Mind’s empty
but heart is full.

writers block
can’t think.
Staring endlessly…
I want to write.

I place my pen
on the blank page
but still nothing comes
I have writer’s constipation.

Thoughts of the week

Hey guys

So I am sure you have all worked out that I am Jewish and proud of it. Well, we are in our Passover time and during these next 5 days, we have to eat Matzah. I have been doing this for 4 days already and I am sick of it. BUT Pesach does come with it perks, family time.

For 2 days, we sit at a table and do the Sedar( a meal with prayers and a story about how we were brought out of Egypt) we sit and dink wine and just get time out from our every day lives and get time to focus on the important things. I have always been close to my family members on my dad’s side but this year just felt different. For the first time, I had a proper conversation with my one cousin who is now 13 years old. It was really nice to just sit with her and talk about music and how her school is going. Was new for me because I am not normally that close to her but I think this Sedar has brought us a lot closer.

Today I broke up from college for 2 weeks. I got to dress up as a hippie and it was a lot of fun. Everyone looked so happy and proud to be who and what they were. It is amazing how comfortable people feel in someone else’s shoes. Dressing up means that you get to hide behind another persona. In the morning, they would realize that a part of the person they hid behind was actually them. If they able to stand up and be confident as someone else, surely they can do it as themselves? Not the case, people fell more safer behind a mask. Guess they feel that if they going to do something wrong, rather do it as someone else.

Just a thought

Have an awesome Easter weekend everyone! May you all be blessed with lots of love and family time

Ash
xxx

We are like Mirrors

Good morning all my gorgeous viewers

So I have a thought and theory for you guys I want you all to think about…

I was told a story the other day that sent shivers down my spine. It went as follows: One day a doctor was traveling and he saw the local Rabbi walking so he stopped and offered the Rabbi a lift. So they started to travel together. The doctor thought he would tut his own horn and started to brag to the Rabbi about his achievements.’You know, I get patients in that cannot afford to pay but I never turn them away. I treat them the same as my paying patients. The rabbi replied,’I also do that.’ The doctor figured that the Rabbi was talking about the Spiritual counseling he gave his spiritual ‘patients’ So the doctor continued, ‘also, a lot of them need expensive drugs and they cannot afford them so I give it to them for free.’ The Rabbi replied the same way, ‘I also do that.’ Ok so now the doctor was beyond confused. He did not understand that every statement that he says, the Rabbi would say that he does that as well. The doctor asked, ‘Rabbi, I don’t understand. You are not a doctor so how can you do all those things?’ ‘No, all I meanty was I also do that. I also only talk about my own good qualities!’

We have been taught by the Baal Shem Tov, founder of the Chassidic movement, that if we find ourselves noticing faults in others, it is because they exist within us. The whole world is like a mirror. It is deigned to show us what our faults are and how they make other people feel. Understanding this story helps us become more understanding of others and helps us realise our faults. So look in the mirror and think to yourself, ‘what do you see?’

What is love?

What is love? Is it an emotion, an illness, a feeling, common? Love is hard to pin point and yet we cannot live without it!

Love is free falling off the edge of a cliff or jumping out of a plane without any gear. Love is overwhelming and confusing and takes over your life. Love is looking into someone’s eyes and not being able to look away. It’s worrying endlessly about them and their wellbeing and once you find out they ok, it’s yelling at the top of your lungs because they left you out in the cold all alone. 

Love is scary and uncontrollable. You cannot explain why you love someone or why you would die for them. What difference does it make if they go away for 3 weeks and you don’t get to see them or they open up to other people instead of you? Honestly, love makes you do all weird and wonderful things.

Love give you the ability to be vulnerable with someone. You know that they could break your heart at any given moment. They could leave you, replace you, find someone new and yet you ok with that because you believe that what you have is something special and cannot be replaced.

Love is a many splendid thing. Love is oxygen mixed with carbon dioxide. It’s yin and yang. If you don’t balance and trust, love can ruin you but at the same time, love can change you into the person that you are meant to become.

Love,

Ash

Xxx

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