I can only go forward now


By Ashlee Zlotnick   

My best friend and I just stopped being friends and I don’t really know why. A few months ago I would never have thought that I would be where I am today.  My name is Nikki and I am a 16-year-old girl in a school filled with ‘popular’ people.

A while back I got a phone call from Jessica, my best friend.” Hey Nikki, you would never believe what had just happened to me, John has asked me out.” I couldn’t help but scream, “Jess that is amazing. I am so happy for you and John. Isn’t he your first real boy friend?” “Yes Niks he is and it feels so amazing to have someone I can lean on. Anyway I have to run John is waiting for me in the car. Bye” Before I could say good-bye back she had put the phone down. Isn’t it astonishing, Jess has her first boyfriend? Suddenly my happiness for her rapidly decreased and I started to worry. This was her first boy friend what will happen if … I had to stop myself from thinking negatively but I just couldn’t help it. “Niks phone for you angel” I love my family, they my support system and my mom Abby is not my mom she is my best friend. “Hello” ” Niks it is Alon how you doing?” I couldn’t help but notice Alon sounded like he was nervous about something, “Hey Alon. I am great how are you? Did you hear the great news about Jess?” All the people in my school knows every one’s personal business, ” Yes I did and I so happy for her. Niks you and I have been friends for a long time and you are my best friend, you know that right?” “Alon you are my best friend as well and you mean a lot to me. Alon you making me nervous what is wrong?” There was silence on the phone for a while. Finally, “Niks will you do me the honor and go on a date with me?” I could tell he was nervous because his voice was shaky. “Absolutely. I am so excited to be more than a friend because we have such a strong friendship; I know our relationship will be breathtaking. Good bye Alon sees you tomorrow.” “Great I will pick you up at around 8 p.m. Goodnight Nikki. Sleep well” My heart sank. I have had boyfriends before but none of them I have ever felt connected to like how I feel about Alon. The first person I had to call was Jess. “Jess you will never believe what has just happened; Alon called me and asked me out. Yah” “Niks I’m so happy for you guys. You guys look so cute together and the goof thing about dating your best friend is you already know him and that you guys can work because you are such great friends. Sorry to do this again Niks but I have to go and do my homework.” “It’s ok Jess. Bye angel.” I have a strange feeling in my stomach. A feeling as if something is wrong or something bad is going to happen.

I woke up in such a good mood. On my phone I had a sms from Alon.

Good Morning sunshine. Such a beautiful day isn’t it. Maybe it’s because you are in the world. I can’t wait to see you tonight; I know you are going to look ravishing. Alon

He is so sweet and romantic. Nothing can go wrong tonight absolutely nothing. I started to get ready for my date with Alon at about 1 in the afternoon and he was only picking me up in 7 hours. I had music on and I was dancing around my room when, “Niks, its Jess can we please talk?” I let her into my room and I saw a face I wish I never saw. Jessica’s make-up was smudge and her eyes were blood-shot red. I grabbed her and hugged her until she was ready to talk. “Niks, I went to the mall to get the perfect outfit for my date tonight. I was in an extraordinary mood; I mean this is my first real boy friend. So I was walking and I happened to see John in a restaurant, I was going to go up to him when I saw he was with another girl and he was holding her hand.” Tears were pouring from her eyes like Vic Falls. I didn’t know what to say to her. My mom always told me to speak from the heart. “Jess, he didn’t deserve you. He was foolish to have cheated on you because now he has me to deal with.” More water works came and I knew I couldn’t leave her tonight. Regretfully I picked up the phone and called Alon, “Hello Alon. I know that we were meant to go out tonight and I was really excited to go with you but something has come up with Jess and she needs me so I am really sorry but we can’t go out tonight.” Sigh,” You know Niks you are a really good friend. Not many people would dump their plans to help a friend. I admire you.” He is so sweet. We said good-bye and put the phone down. I was upset about not going on the date but I knew my friend needed me.

The next morning I woke up and I noticed ice-cream tubs everywhere and chocolate papers. Jessica was lying in a bed of used tissues and a puddle of tears. I hated seeing her like this and I had to try to cheer her up but how. It is amazing how Alon always comes to my rescue because just as I thought I needed to help her there was a ring at my door. I opened the door but all I could see was a huge teddy bear. Suddenly the teddy bear moved and Alton’s handsome face popped up from behind the teddy bear. “I thought this would make up for last night.” He has that goofy smile on his face, “Good morning Alon. You are so sweet thank you for the teddy bear. Would you like to come in?” “I can’t sorry Niks I have to go to work. I just came by to give this to you.” I closed the door and I still had the butterflies. I now knew what I had to do to get Jess into a better mood, find her a new boy. A boy who would treat her in the way that Alon treats me.

A few weeks have passed since Jess and John broke up and she now has a new boy friend. His name is Erin. She has never been happier but that same feeling I had about her and John I have now and it has never been this strong. Alon and I have never been happier, he is the most amazing boy friend ever and I think I am falling in love with him. Who knew me falling in love with my best friend. “Hey babe it’s Alon, I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me this weekend. I heard that there is a really good movie on at the moment. So when you get this message give me a call.” I phoned back straight away, “Hey angel I would love to go out with you this weekend. Pick me up around 7 ok?” “Sure. I’ll see you at 7. Bye Niks” Life couldn’t be any better. I have the most amazing boy friend in the world ever and the most supportive family and of course my best friend Jess. Yup life is great and it can only get better. Every time the door bell rings my heart skips a beat and when I see Alon at the door, I can feel my mouth automatically go into a stupid smile and I love that feeling. “Ready to go Niks?” “Yes I am. Bye mom Love you” We get to the restaurant and I remember it is mine and Alon’s 1 month anniversary and I forgot. Before I could say anything he covered my eyes,” Babe I have a surprise for you.” “Alon I…I” ” Happy anniversary Niks.” There were red roses everywhere and the lights were dimmed. The restaurant was empty except there was one table in the middle of the restaurant. It had candles on it and a huge bunch of flowers with a teddy bear on the chair. The teddy had a t-shirt on and it had written on it: I love you Nikki. Love Alon. “I am blown away Lonny. You have gone through all this effort and I feel bad because I forgot it was our 1 month. I’m so sorry.” “Don’t apologize Niks. I don’t need a physical gift from you. All I need is you. I love you Nikki, you mean everything to me.” The tears started pouring from my eyes. Did I hear right? Did Alon just say I love you? “I love you too Lonny. You are truly my knight in shining armor.” That night was the best night of my life.

A few months have pasted and the closer Jess is getting to Erin, the further apart we are getting. I never see her anymore and when I do at school she is too busy to talk to me. Erin has moved into our school and I feel as if he is replacing me. Oh did I mention me and Alon have broken up. We had a huge fight and I called it quits and I feel that it was a mistake to stop talking because I need him but as a friend, we can never be a pair again. “Niks, it’s Jess, can we please talk?” Remember that feeling I had earlier on well I have it again and I know this convocation won’t end well,” Sure Jess, What’s going on?” “Niks you and I have been friends for a long time and I have enjoyed those years it’s just… I feel as if you and I are drifting and I am not sure how to stop it.” My heart sank. I feel as if the whole world has stopped and nothing feels real,” Jess, what are you trying to say, is our friendship over?” “Niks it’s just this relationship between us is too hard to maintain. It is doing more harm than good. I don’t want to hurt you it is just that I don’t have the strength to continue this friendship.” “I don’t know what you want me to say to that Jess except for you and I were meant to be friends for the rest of our lives. You have helped me go through so really hard times and when you needed me I was there for you. When you and I just met I told you that you will be stuck with me for a long time and do you remember what you replied?” “Yes I do. We would be friends for ever and even longer. I am willing to accept any reaction you have so scream at me and I don’t blame you if you hate me because I would hate me.” “How can I hate you Jess? You not my best friend you my sister and now what, we didn’t have a fight or an argument you just saying bye with no reason. I can’t speak to you right now because I don’t Know how to react, I have just lost my best friend, the one person who understands me completely.” I put the phone down and I burst out crying. My best friend will never laugh with me again; she will never hold my hand when I need her. Who am I going to call in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep? Who is going to be there for me if it’s not going to be her? I called Alon ad he was at my house in a split second. He is truly my best friend.

I see Jessica at school and I keep on having flash backs about our phone call. I want to go up to her and tell her how my day has been but I can’t and I know that soon I will accept it. Friends come and go but true friends are forever. I guess we weren’t meant to be friends but I will never regret our friendship because if it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t be the person I am today. If it wasn’t for us breaking up I would never have realized that I am strong and I can only go forward from here.




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