Us as a Couple

 

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

Us as a couple will never work

Don’t mean to be rude, you were a jerk.

You were scared to say we were together,

And you treated me as if I was an old feather.

As a friend it is great, you and me.

When we together I feel safe, you my security.

As a couple all we did was work on us.

I felt like a wound, filled of puss.

One day I just burst and left.

We had a huge fight, not the best.

After I was so angry and hurt,

I felt like a total piece of dirt.

Since then I have calmed down a lot.

You have lost that feel of a robot.

To be honest I still think of those days,

 When we were a couple and went to plays.

I am glad we are still friends.

You always there to help me mend.

What I have to say is true.

I don’t know what I would do without you!

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2 Comments »

  1. kayla morris Said:

    Wow ash
    This is really good 🙂
    Its wierd cos I know who its about!
    Lol
    Love u ashwee!

  2. lovecybelle Said:

    Hey hun!
    Some constructive criticism, u can take it or leave it 😉
    Sometimes your rhyming sounds forced – just wanna broaden your horizons that poetry does NOT need to rhyme.
    Also check your spelling eg pus not puss.
    And grammar also NB. “I felt like a wound, filled of puss.” – filled WITH pus? Try different imageries as well, see which one works best in the situation.
    Hope this helps 🙂

    Love.Cybelle


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