Feeling Lost

My friend died nearly a month ago and to be honest I don’t think I have dealt with it yet. It is like I have placed it in a box and left it in a deep,dark hole where I never want to go again but I have to as I am writing a speech for his memorial which is on Monday.

I am not the type of person who writes like this. I normally write a poem or a story but for some reason I can’t write a poem because when I write poems it makes the things in my life seem more real and I learn to come to terms with it but this is something I SHOULD NOT have to build a bridge and get over and learn to move on.

I am 16 and my 18-year-old friend was run over by a speeding car and his poor sister had to sit and watch this all happen. When I was told Ryan died it was as if my heart sank into the ground and my body became weak and like jelly. I went into shock right away and burst into tears.

I had to watch his family breakdown as they places his body into the ground. Those first few shovels of sand hitting the coffin, I will never forget. Each shovel got louder and louder and my body could not take it. This was the worst day of my life and now it is time I come to terms with it.

I know life goes on and that where ever he is, he is in a better place but what about me? What about his Family? That day his mother had to watch her baby boy get covered with sand and the only thing telling us he is there is a simle number next to the grave.

I don’t believe that it will get easier and that the pain will go away, I believe that we learn to live with what has happened and that it is ok for us to laugh again and act like nothing is wrong. This doe not mean that I have forgotten him, it is the opposite. Ryan loved to laugh and make other people laugh.

so every time I laugh or smile I am going to think of him and I am going to do it for him as well. He will forever live on in my heart and in his families and friends heart’s as well.


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