21 months

Today 21 months ago Ryan was killed. Scary to think how much time has passed since then and how much has happened.

I am at the stage of my life where 1 set of exams are all I need to over come before I can enter the big bad world of working and college. Ryan was not given the chance to be in my position and this thought saddens me a lot. To think that he spent his whole life in school and never got the chance to see if he would make it out there in the ugly juggle we all call reality and life, brings tears to my eyes.

Every chance I get to honor his memory I do. At my Matric dance, I danced for him. My first day of Matric, I went to our room and I just sat there and thought of what it would be like if he was with us all today. Before I write my finals, I will go to our room at school for one of the last times and I will sit there, cry and remember… I will remember how he used to scare me in the morning but I could not get mad because he would flash me one of his smiles. I will remember the day we hid in the girls’ bathroom and we heard someone coming so my friends and I just left Ryan there on his own to fend for himself. I will shed a tear for every tear he wiped of mine and I will smile knowing he is looking down at me smiling whilst his big blue eyes tell me everything is going to be ok I just need to hang in there.

21 months have passed and yet I can still picture his so clearly and as I do I get all choked up and shed a tear or cry a river because even though time has passed my wounds still feel fresh and still sting.

Ryan, you were my boyfriend, you were my first aid partner and most importantly, you were my best friend and rock.

I love you and miss you so much it hurts.

Love

Ash

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