Been hit by a ton of bricks

Hey guys

So I have just come home from an exam and the last time I wrote a post with the same topic, I was in school and now I am in college. Lets have a flashback shall we…

Last year I was in matric. One of the most intense years of my life and the hardest year or high school(sorry lil sis) but it is true. Matric was hard not because of work but because I had to be ok with leaving people behind. I am still not ok with that but nothing I can do about that. I used to walk around in circles, have lunch in the same spot everyday unless I was in my room which I miss like you have no idea! and of course I used to have moments with people. I left behind memories and land marks that will be there for the rest of my life. Exams were pretty chilled. I never stressed for them. Half way through the exam I would watch the children playing on the field and remember when I was that small. We used to play tag and Gaga Ball. Fun times. And as I was writing I would begin to smile because I was now watching children go through the amazing times I went through. Where I wrote finals, there was an area on top of the hall where my lil sis and I met and begin to talk. That thought got me through finals because I knew I was in the land mark that made my life amazing and that is where I found my torch, soul sister, other half and my muse. But I am no longer writing finals and I am no longer in that hall where I feel safe and I feel love.

Lucky for me, I am now writing in a room where I freeze my fingers off, get shouted at for having my lip ice on the table and a room where I have no memories or life changing moments in it… YET! I still sit at the back and have a window by my desk except now I am looking at a dying tree and the roof of the teacher’s office. Nice view right. Wait it gets better. I have a woman who watches my every move. When she walked in and started to scream I felt better for some weird reason. You see, during matric exams, there was a chic who stood on the stage and shouted and dictated. College exams started to feel like matric finals and I felt better. We got answer booklets and the nerves filled the room and I smiled. And then a change happened… I finished the exam before I looked out the window or even the watch. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I actually care about the exam bit now! Since when do I care about marks??? ME! The one who studys the night before or the morning of( I still do that) but today I finished before I stopped to think about anything. Then my one finger began to itch and I realised who and why I care now. I don’t want to let people down. This career of mine is my passion and I want to do this for the rest of my life and my muse believes in me so I can’t let her down. I will try my best not to anyway.

Without even realising it I began to write a poem at the end of my exam question paper. I am still me:D I just care about marks a bit more now. In stead of seeing my lil sis after my exam, I bbmed her( Thank G-D for technology that is all I am saying) No it is not the same but she is still there. After school they all say that you learn who will be there for life and who was there just because you were in the same area or class as them. Turns out they right! As sad and scary as it is, people show their true colours after school. Now is the time where you have to make the effort to see each other because you are no longer in the same room.

The room is different, my mind set is different and the subjects are different but the one thing that is the same is the one person who has always been there. Today during my exam I realised how much my little sister means to me and how lucky I am to have her in my life. I may not see her as often as I did but she is the most important person in my life. She is my other half and that will never change!!!

So that is my teary story for the day. Have a good day guys

Love
Ash
xxx

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