Fixer

Hey guys

So firstly, I start exams tomorrow so I will not be able to post as much but I promise to keep everyone updated and in the circle.

Ok so tonight I am posting a very personal thought. I am a typical fixer. I am the one that needs to make sure everyone is ok and breathing and happy. I guess that is why I was so good at first aid. I would fix first and then freak out but if I am unable to fix, I seem to just freak out and fall apart. When I was 14 I saved a boy’s life. Scary stuff but is an amazing feeling to know that I saved someone’s life physically and not just their emotions or broken heart. This experience has always been at the back of my mind and it pops up every now and again to tell me that I need to work in a medical field. Would work amazingly right. I got the brains for it and the drive to fix people but there is two problems to this amazing plan of everyone’s… 1) If I cannot fix someone, not only do I fall apart and not forgive myself for a very long time, but I also do not have the heart to give someone the bad news so I will not be able to deal with deaths very well. 2) I will never have an off day. I will always be a doctor or nurse or something so I will never be able to say sorry I cannot help today. If someone is dying, they dying and need me ASAP. That won’t work for me because missing out on my little siblings growing up will kill me! It’s bad enough I missed my lil sis’s last day, I cannot miss something else that’s important. So everyone needs to get it out of their heads… I am not going into medicine. End of that.

Next: being fixer means that I am there to fix your problem and most of the time I seem to forget about me and my issues. Lucky for me I have my own fixer. She will not rest until I am ok and for that, I love her forever and always and some more after that.

Even us fixers need some love and fixing sometimes.

Just a quick thought
ash
xxx

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