I miss you

Hey guys

This time of the year is always hard for me as it is the last time I saw Ryan. The last time I ever saw him was New Years eve and we partied into New Years. Now Ryan and I always used to get excited about things 4 months before it happened so we had been talking about this party for a month before it even happened. This time three years ago, we were planning on who will be taking and what we will be drinking and how much and what dance moves we were going to do. We spoke about everything!

The day finally came and I got to his house, my boyfriend at the time took us and then we landed up at this house party. Was the most amazing house I had ever seen! We danced and drank and people were beginning to do all weird stuff so Ryan and I went outside and sat on the front door step, drank a Brutal Fruit and spoke about life and what we were going to do to make the next year a better place. I will never forget that conversation for as long as I live! He made me promise not to hate anyone. We weren’t born to hate, we were taught to hate and no matter what a person does to you, that is not a good enough reason to hate one of G-D’s creations. From that day on, I have kept the promise for both of us. I do not hate anyone! nor do I want to hate anyone. Things happen for a reason, good and bad and Ryan was a firm believer in this.

I write this post with tears in my eyes and love in my heart. Ryan changed my life for the better and even though I only got a short few years with him, he has made a mark in my heart that will never disappear. He made me realize the value of people and how if I believe that one person should be there, they will be. This is a very hard thing for me to write about but I need people to know what an amazing man he was and it is because of him that I have a positive outlook with people.

I don’t really plan things in detail anymore because of what happened to him after. I do plan but not so much and not so in-depth. This is the reason why. Every New Years I try have brutal fruit for us and on the day he died, I drink a spin…

Love you lots Ryan and I really miss you!

Ash
xxx

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