Time to speak up

Hey guys

Past few days, not so fun. I have not written because truth is I am not sure how to write what I am feeling but after today, I am filled with rage that everything is going to come out in one piece. So stand by

College has been interesting. I have had more fights and arguments the past few weeks than I think I have ever had in my life. Not only from college but from my family life as well. I feel as if nothing I am saying or doing is good enough at the moment and that is tearing me up inside. I hate fighting and arguing but that is all that I see to be around at the moment. I feel like I just need to break out of this black cloud. Let me start from the beginning… Some people just do not accept any advice you give them. Good or bad. Then you go tell them what they need to do and they start to scream at you and just never stops. I shut up then because I knew I could not be unprofessional and scream at someone in front of my clients.

My great uncle killed himself two days go. I don’t even know where to begin with feeling anything. Truth is this is not the first suicide in my family so I have dealt with it before but this one just feels different for some reason. He was a very special man because he used to take my dad every Sunday to racing. If he did not do that, my parents would not have met each other. So I owe a lot to this man. He lived in America so I did not get to see him very often but I would try speak to him and his family at least once a week. Last time I spoke to his family was on Sunday. Scary how one second people can seem ok to you and the next they not. Mental problems are very hard to overcome and even harder to realize what is going on with that person. I take my hat off to shrinks out there because to get people to not pull the trigger is a very big thing.

Right, next issue: Today a girl in my college started to pore her heart out to me about how I don’t do things right and how I take possession of people and situations. Ok how I did not hit this child I have got no idea but truth of the matter is I kept quiet because I am more hurt by her than she thinks and talking to her won’t solve anything because it goes in the one ear and out the other. See, we came from the same group and after school, that entire group just forgot about me. They would all go out and exclude me. Don’t like me, that is just fine but then don’t pretend you just forgot or make up some shit excuse. This girl claims that she always stands up for me and all that jazz but I know she doesn’t and that’s ok. However, my issue is the fact that she bad mouths people in that group and that is not ok. If you feel they are so mean and stupid, don’t be around them! simple as that. No-one forces anyone to do anything they don’t want to do.

So I am done keeping quiet now. I am tired of fighting and I am tired of not being there.

Ash
xxx

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