Posts Tagged ‘broken’

Learning to say NO

It is funny how people work. We are always so eager to say no to people about things that do not benefit us in some way or another. I have recently gone through a bit of a rollercoaster in my career. I hurt my hand so I have had to take a step back and let my hand heal and at the same time learn to tell people no or that I can’t help them and for me, that has been one of the hardest things I have had to do.

I am not the type of person that will say yes to you because it will benefit me but I will say yes because it is what is best for the person. I have had to put myself first and learn to say no and by doing that, I am starting to take the time to learn what it is that I need.

It is all very well helping people for a living and then coming home and helping out the people that I care about but I have come to realise that it is ok to saying no to helping them and asking them to help me. Some people only see me as the Fixer but I have been told that I am more than just that!

I am more than the person who solves problems and fixes and makes better, I am a person with feelings and needs as well.

I want you all to learn from my time off and learn that it is ok to not always help. You cannot help someone if you broken or you are an empty cup. You need to take care of yourself so that you strong enough to help the other people out there who may need your help. Do not be a doormat and allow someone to walk all over you just because they are going through a rough time in their life. We all have issues and troubles. That is what makes life a challenge and worth it! But that is not an excuse to be used the whole time and not have someone take care of you.

Learn to say NO to save YOURSELF!

Hope you all have an amazing day full of love.

Lots of love

Ash

Now what

Have you guys ever been hit with a rock so big that you have no idea how you feel? You know that feeling when you run into the garage door, fall on the floor and you start to laugh before you cry because your body is just so numb? Or how about when you are just so angry you don’t care? Welcome to my world…

I have been faced with one of my biggest relationship challenges I think I have ever been faced. There are just so many people to consider that I have got no idea how to move forward from here. And my best part, when I think I am ready to move on… The rock comes back to hit me with even more force.

My puzzle that used to be my life, a perfect picture with a few spaces between them has now turned into a mess on the floor and I want to just walk away. But I can’t… why… because I am not the only one to consider. There are other people being effected by this rock. People who used to love this rock but right now, all I see is the mold.

I guess once you hurt me to a point, I break. I am strong but right now I am far from it. I am injured and torn and just in pieces and I am not sure what my glue is… For those of you know read my work often will know about my broken plate idea. (Go look in my theories section for the broken plate) So I do not think that right now there is a way to fix my plate right now and this is scaring me a lot.

So now what…

Some things you just cannot fix

Hey guys

A few years ago I wrote a thesis about family and I said that it was like a broken plate and that if you want to, you can glue it back together. Won’t be the same but it will still be together… Well guess what, I lied…

Some plates cannot be fixed. Some are just so far gone that no amount of glue can hold it together. Some family fights are just so big that you just cannot fix it and see eye to eye and often the problem is not the siblings but the spouses that come with it.

I am heart broken and I cannot bare the thought of having a wedding without my family there but I guess sometimes, you just need to accept your losses and move on. Rough I know But these are words of a person who just cannot try anymore. 12 years ago, I was in a car accident and I was in hospital for a bit. I was 8 years old and some of my uncles did not come and see me. I thought it was my fault and ever since then, my family has not been the same. Turns out it was not my fault at all but at the time, that is what I felt.

I have done everything I can to try glue this plate together but I am not winning and I am HURTING BADLY because of it. So that is me… I am putting the brush down and letting it be. I cannot fight anymore because I am tired and hurt. I thought it would be ok but maybe not. I don’t wish them harm. I love them all even though I don’t know them

Do yourself a favour… If your plate is broken, understand that it can only be fixed if the pieces want to work with the glue and think about your actions before you exclude people from a big family event

Family is everything

Hey guys, sorry it has been so long

I have not written in a really long time. I feel like my soul does not know what has hit it because it has been so long. So we have got a lot to talk about today…

College is very hard at the moment. I have 6 weeks left of my first year. How scary is that!!!! To think that I am so close to the end of my first year, it is just ridiculous and I am not sure how I feel about it. It feels like I have just started. I cannot be out of school for nearly a year already! It is just not right. One step closer to my goal though so overall it is a good thing.

Work is fun but I am a bit bored of it now. I need the money for the Pro Beauty expo so that is keeping me motivated and I need to fix up my car and everything but my heart is more set on photography not so much giving people tenpin balls and sorting out game machines. From next year I will be working in a spa which is where I belong so I will just ride this wave out and gain experience. I have learnt how to deal with all different types of people which is good for me because I am learning how to deal with them. The longer I ride this wave out, the more experience with people I will get and the better I will do in a salon.

My social life is not like it used to be. I just don’t seem to have the time like I used to have BUT having said that, I am still there for people when they call me. At the moment all I want to do is come home and snuggle and watch a movie and just chill. How old do I sound now?? but that is the truth.

I miss my lil sis like crazy at the moment. Last week I hurt my shoulder badly and was not able to go to dancing. I count on dancing to see her and I was not able to do that. I sat in my room all miff and teary the whole night.

Now comes my life lesson to all of you… FAMILY IS EVERYTHING! I have not got the closest family. Truth of the matter is, if I had to see one of my cousins in the street, I would not have a clue who the hell it is. How sad is that!? My oupie is sick at the moment but he is strong and he is getting better but his one wish is to have all of us together once in a blue moon. Let me paint a picture for you guys… We have not been under one roof in about 7 years! Last time we were was when my Oumie got hurt and robbed. It is very sad. I used to blame myself up until a year ago. I always thought that my mom and her brothers did not speak because of me. I had a car accident in 2003 and when my uncles did not come and see if I was ok, I thought that they were all cross at me. We started to drift as a family around that time and I always thought it was because of me. I know now that it wasn’t and I was probably stupid for thinking that but us kids have weird ways of dealing with things.

Back to the issue at hand. Family life these days are not what they used to be and that is 110% our fault! We don’t seem to understand the value of family now days because we too busy worrying about other things. Take it from someone who cherishes people before money and materialistic things, we need a family so that we can grow as a person. Now your family is not only who we share the same DNA with. Family are people who are there for you when you need the. They are there to listen to you when you need to vent to someone. Family is made up of people you love and who love you back. We need that in our lives in order to stay afloat.

So learn from my family mistakes. Don’t get to the point where you have no idea who is who. All it takes is a cup of coffee once a month with your family to remind you of who you are! and where you have come from. Surely that is not a lot to ask for and believe in me, it means a lot to people.

At the end of the day, people come and go in life but your family… your family is forever! You share DNA, you share a history, you share the love of parents.

Ash
xxx

Won’t Let You Break Me

By:Ashlee Zlotnick

My body is filled with rage.
My volcano has officially erupted.
I want to turn the page
and see how this whole thing ends.

You have upset me,
my friends and best friend.
Now in a meeting we
will have to sort it out.

When I look at you,
I don’t feel sorry.
I want to help you
but not restore our friendship.

I can’t go through this again.
I’m not strong enough.
My heart is filled with pain
because you have hurt us all.

What doesn’t break me
makes me stronger.
What will be, will be
BUT I won’t let you break me!