Posts Tagged ‘death’

New angel in Heaven

It is always hard to pay tribute to people you do not believe needs it. This is one of the hardest posts I have ever had to write.

A week ago, the world lost an earth angel. She was kind, caring, a pure soul and left this year a few decades too early. I spent the last 2 weeks of her life with her making business plans to better both our lives but more importantly, to better the lives of other people. It was one of her best qualities.

She always made sure that other people were happy. In winter, she would buy blankets for homeless people to make sure that they stayed warm and welcomed anyone into her home. Food was her passion. She loved to cook and she was beyond good at it!

I still cannot believe she is gone because she was not ready to go. The night she passed away, she spoke to her daughter and told her that she loves her and that same night, she told me that she was proud of me and that she loved me lots for helping her out with her new business venture.

If I have learnt anything from this devastating crack in the universe, I have learnt how important it is to tell the people that you love how much they mean to you every single night before you go to sleep because we never know… life can change in an instant and not always for the better.

I hope that I can carry out her way of life in terms of helping people and make people happy. I also hope to carry out her business idea one day. When I am ready and make sure that it is everything she wanted and more.

R.I.P Vanessa. I knew you for 20 years and I wish it was more. Thank you for helping me on my journey of helping children with cancer and making my weird and wonderful birthday cakes come to life. I will never forget what an amazing person you were and how much you impacted on my life and my family. Sunday Potjie and tequila will not be the same without you.

 

A soul lost but not forgotten

It’s hard to talk about how you feel. It’s harder to accept how you feel. Worst of all, how do you figure out how you feel? You need to figure that out before you can accept and begin to deal with how you feel inorder for you to heal. 

2 weeks ago I got a phone call that made my blood turn cold and my skin turn white. It was so unexpected that I did not know how to react let alone cope. 24 year old. He was only 24 and lost the battle with addiction. How can something as small as a little pill be so powerful and life threatening? Small really is powerful. Molecules we can’t see with our naked eye, keeps us alive. So in essence, makes sense how something so small can dictate life…

What do you say to the family? I wish you long life, sorry for your loss, no regrets… How is that comforting? You walk behind this box that contains the family’s prize possession. Almost like the unique diamond that is owned by only one person or a painting without a duplicate. There is only one… Or so there was only one…

After the longest walk of their life, you arrive at a hole in the ground hoping that they don’t fall in or jump in after this precious box. THUMP THUMP THUMP. Your soul sinks into your shoes, tears roll down your face and your heart seems to break into thousands of pieces as you hear the father cry out in pain. Not a dry eye in site as family members confess their regrets out loud… I am sorry I failed you and was not able to help you in your time of need! 

Slowly but surely you walk away and as their cries get softer, your thoughts get louder. Only problem is you have no idea what your thoughts are. Are you happy that he is no longer suffering and having this constant battle in his life or are you sad and horrified by the whole event? How do you come back from this? How do you learn to cope? Are you so angry at the fact that he could be so selfish or was it an accident? These are all just questions… Questions you will never get the answers to. 

Time goes by so slowly and yet seems to fly. The pain takes long to go away however memories and voices seem to fade quickly. It all just does not make sense… How do you feel? How can you put into words your shock and disbelief? People come up and ask you so how you doing and and truth is you have got no idea! Because fact of the matter is you buried someone who meant something to you, and you do not believe that you should have done it in the first place! 

I am 21 years old. I have buried my best friend, and now a brother figure. That’s not right. And how does this all make me feel? When I figure it out I will let y all know. How to you cope and move on from it all? You don’t move on, you don’t forget, you learn to live with the pain and giant gap where he used to stand. 

He is a soul that has been lost but not forgotten. 

Please guys, addiction is a serious problem that can have and does have effects on everyone around you. Get help before it’s too late. It does not make you weak in anyway, makes you strong and brave. Admitting You have a problem and need help is the first step. There will always be people around to love and support you. 

Take what I am saying to heart,

Ash

4 years and counting

I still remember standing still, as my ear heard the news. Took awhile for my body to register what I had just heard. My heart dropped, my blood rushed to my feet, my legs went numb and I dropped to my knees. I could not believe what I was hearing. I spoke to him a mere 4 hours before. It could not be true… It shouldn’t be true…

My best friend was killed by a speeding car. He just could not fight any longer and his heart gave in. He is really gone and I sometimes still think that he will jump up from the bushes to scare me or give me a hug from behind… 4 years ago I lost the one person who was always on my side. Even when I got into trouble he was right there next to me getting into more trouble than I was.

Ry, at your funeral, I was fine up until the sand hit your coffin. One hit, that sound went rushing through my body and I dropped and broke down. I should not have buried my best friend when I was 16 years old. That just was not right. I wrote  speech for you at your assembly. I spoke about our last deep conversation and still to this day I stick to our promise. It breaks my heart that I am writing this post because you should be next to me drinking a Spin and listening to Simple Plan. I guess I am going to have to do it for us both.

I do not know if this gets easier but right now, it seems like it does not. Your memory floods my mind and your love still makes me smile. So here we go, a start of another year without you. I specialise this year and you would be done this year as well… So here is to us.

I love you lots Ry

Love

Me

xxx

Life is way too short!

Hey guys

3 years ago my best friend died. I had no idea how to deal with it or where to begin to move on… 3 years later, his best friend died yesterday 21… Scary concept to put into your mind. 21 year olds dying and not being able to live out their dream or finish a degree. Some don’t even have the opportunity to start.

My ex lost his mom on Thursday night. She died from cancer.

Too many tragedies for me in one week. Makes realise how important life is and how precious it is. So my message to you all is as follows:

Pick up the phone and tell the people you love how much they mean to you. Tell the people in your household how much you care about them and how you appreciate what they do for you because you never know when the last time you going to get the opportunity to express your love for them.

I wish these families long life and I hope they get the strength to pull through…

Love

Ash

Souls

By:Ashlee Zlotnick

As the sun shone over the building, the hall got very cold. A gush of wind came and over took our souls as the wooden doors opened. Colder than ice the noisy metal carried the wooden box to another hall. Slowly everyone followed…

Dead silence but a thousand thoughts filled the room. Then the sound of the shirts tearing overwhelmed the silence. They began to move again. Slowly everyone followed…

The sun blinded our tears as people were called up to accompany the box to the final destination. Sun shining, gorgeous blue sky but the trees were dead and the walk was very long and torturous. Everywhere you look there stones and symbols of love and devotion. Devastation yet so peaceful. Finally we arrived at the site and the family followed the box until it reached the whole. Slowly everyone followed…

Outcries of sadness and shock echoed in this open plan place as prayers were said to send the loved one on and then it hit. The hollowing sound that makes your stomach drop and is the slap in the face by reality that it is time to say goodbye. The sand hits the coffin… 1…2…3…Next and slowly everyone followed…

R.I.P Cow Star Lisa

lisa

lisa2

lisa1

This is not the type of post I enjoy writing at all but this special lady deserves her story to be shared…

I met Lisa Mulley a few years ago. Wow what a presence this woman had. She walked into the room and it automatically got filled with a positive energy. She and her sister Delene became part of the CHOC Cows. Now in order for you to join, you had to be a mad person who is not scared to do anything. At the same time, you raised money for children with cancer either by riding a bike, running or anything else you can do in a cow suit. Yes you heard me, the CHOC Cows do everything in a cow suit and Lisa wore her suit proudly.

I would like to share the first encounter I had with her: The Cows had a Halloween party and my family and I went to help set up. Lisa was sitting on the steps at this country club and was carving pumpkins. She got up, gave us one of her smiles and very welcoming hugs and just started to talk to us. We hit it off instantly and we laughed and decorated all night long. Of course we had a few issues like where to sit the lights and what names to give the pumpkins but we worked it out like all Cows do. The main memory of that night: Lisa looked at my sister Shira and told her that she was like a hula girl. Ever since then, she would call Shira Hula girl.

I watched Lisa and Delene ride off in Cow suits often and I was always happy to see them cross the finish line at the end. They both astonishing people and true inspirations to people that know them.

I am not going to write about the hard times that Lisa faced at the end because I do not believe that is the main object of her life. Lisa was an inspiration to me in more ways than one. She helped me with what dress to wear to my prom, how to do my hair and what lip gloss to use. She also made me realise how important it was to smile at life and be grateful for what and who we have in our lives. Lisa taught me that a little good can go a long way.

I lost touch with the Cows for awhile but my last encounter with Lisa was a few weeks ago. Right before the 94.7 Cycle Challenge. I walked into that room and I could notice her a mile a way. Not only could you hear Lisa, but you could just see her amazing aura shine through the crowd like a golden star surrounded by silver stars.

Lisa will not be forgotten and her lessons in life will live on through the people that love her. My thoughts and prayers go out to her friends and family.
We may have lost a Cow Star but we have gained a Cow Angel

Lots of Love
Ashlee Zlotnick

2 years already

Hey guys

This post is very hard for me to write. Today 2 years ago, my friend Ryan got killed. 2 drivers were dicing and went through a robot and Ryan went flying in the air and landed on the ground and CPR was done about three times on him before his heart gave in and he died.

They say that time heals all wounds. Well that is total rubbish! I can still feel my body going weak when I got the phone call to say he had died. I remember my face going hot, my muscles giving in and my lips going cold. I remember putting my best friend’s jersey on and that was it, I had gone numb. I was the last friend that Ryan ever saw and that is a true honor. Ryan was the type of person who made people smile regardless of what was going on in their life at that time. I still live out the promise I made him on New Years. He told me I am not allowed to hate anyone because they made me who I am today. So no matter how much a person hurts me, I do not hate them because they taught me some lesson.

Time does not take the pain away. There are still days where I want to call him and tell him what happened to me that day or ask him for help. Ryan was my advice giver, my first high school boyfriend, my best friend and my rock. Because of this, I did Matric for him and me. He did not get the chance to finish school so I did it for us both and I will live my life with him in mind so that he gets to do it as well.

I take one day at a time. Some days are good and others I wish I could just stare into his big blue eyes whilst he tell me everything is going to be ok and I must just hang in there. My thoughts are with his parents and sister today. Love you guys

Love you lots Ryan and miss you tons bro. RIP

Ash
xxx

21 months

Today 21 months ago Ryan was killed. Scary to think how much time has passed since then and how much has happened.

I am at the stage of my life where 1 set of exams are all I need to over come before I can enter the big bad world of working and college. Ryan was not given the chance to be in my position and this thought saddens me a lot. To think that he spent his whole life in school and never got the chance to see if he would make it out there in the ugly juggle we all call reality and life, brings tears to my eyes.

Every chance I get to honor his memory I do. At my Matric dance, I danced for him. My first day of Matric, I went to our room and I just sat there and thought of what it would be like if he was with us all today. Before I write my finals, I will go to our room at school for one of the last times and I will sit there, cry and remember… I will remember how he used to scare me in the morning but I could not get mad because he would flash me one of his smiles. I will remember the day we hid in the girls’ bathroom and we heard someone coming so my friends and I just left Ryan there on his own to fend for himself. I will shed a tear for every tear he wiped of mine and I will smile knowing he is looking down at me smiling whilst his big blue eyes tell me everything is going to be ok I just need to hang in there.

21 months have passed and yet I can still picture his so clearly and as I do I get all choked up and shed a tear or cry a river because even though time has passed my wounds still feel fresh and still sting.

Ryan, you were my boyfriend, you were my first aid partner and most importantly, you were my best friend and rock.

I love you and miss you so much it hurts.

Love

Ash

Yom Kippur

Good afternoon everyone

So today is Yom Kippur. It is a day where us Jews fast for 25 hours and repent for all our sins. Sounds like a pain right. Fast for a long time, sit in shul and say sorry for all the things we will probably do again. So what did I learn from all of this??? I will tell you

There is a section today where people who have lost loved ones sit in a service and remember their loved ones. I thank G-D do not have to sit in this service but before it I was told a story I want to share with you.

A while ago there was this girl who had to go to jail for 11 and a half years because she stood up for what she believed in. She had a father and an 8 month old son. She left a red purse with the father and told him to please look after her son and she will see them both in 11 years time. The only thing that kept her going in prison was the thought of her son. 11 years past and she was released and went to her father and asked where her son was. He said he was at school and that she must go look for him.”But father I have changed and the last time I saw him he was 8 months old. How can he remember me?” Her father when to the bedroom and brought her the red purse.” This will reunite the two of you. Every member I share with him about you, I show him this red purse. Go and find your son my child.” She took the red purse and went to the school. The bell rand and all the children came out. A young boy pulled on her arm and said, “Mommy is that you?” She started to cry and embraced her son and did not want to let go.

What do we learn from this story??? Every family needs a red purse for the loved ones that has passed away. Their memories can live on inside of us. 4 times a year, their souls come down to earth and stands next to us during this service and they see what we have done with their memories and their lessons they have taught us. As long as we have the red purse, they will be able to find us and we can find them in anything we do that they taught us or used to do. Something as simple as making their favourite food or sharing a lesson with your children.

They are always there for us when we need them. Not many of us look up and talk to our family members that have died but they are right there waiting to listen to you and even though they cannot tell us what to do, it is comforting to know someone will always listen.

I hope you take this story to heart and realise that keeping people in our hearts, will keep their memories alive.

Have a good fast my fellow Jews and may you all be inscribed in the book of life.

Ash

xxx

Innocence lost

By:Ashlee Zlotnick

Today they’ll stand before you
and look you in the eye.
Today they’ll stand before you
and ask how the hell and why?

Why did you
speed that day?
Why did you
drive off as he lay?

Lay there like
a stiff board.
Lay there like
an ice-cold sword.

Swords
are merely giant knives.
Swords
end innocent lives.

Lives we will never
get back.
Lives we will never
place in a black sack!

Today they’ll look at a killer,
the man who took their son.
Today they’ll look at a killer
as he pays for what he has done.

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