Posts Tagged ‘friends’

4 years and counting

I still remember standing still, as my ear heard the news. Took awhile for my body to register what I had just heard. My heart dropped, my blood rushed to my feet, my legs went numb and I dropped to my knees. I could not believe what I was hearing. I spoke to him a mere 4 hours before. It could not be true… It shouldn’t be true…

My best friend was killed by a speeding car. He just could not fight any longer and his heart gave in. He is really gone and I sometimes still think that he will jump up from the bushes to scare me or give me a hug from behind… 4 years ago I lost the one person who was always on my side. Even when I got into trouble he was right there next to me getting into more trouble than I was.

Ry, at your funeral, I was fine up until the sand hit your coffin. One hit, that sound went rushing through my body and I dropped and broke down. I should not have buried my best friend when I was 16 years old. That just was not right. I wrote  speech for you at your assembly. I spoke about our last deep conversation and still to this day I stick to our promise. It breaks my heart that I am writing this post because you should be next to me drinking a Spin and listening to Simple Plan. I guess I am going to have to do it for us both.

I do not know if this gets easier but right now, it seems like it does not. Your memory floods my mind and your love still makes me smile. So here we go, a start of another year without you. I specialise this year and you would be done this year as well… So here is to us.

I love you lots Ry

Love

Me

xxx

People change

Hey guys

For those of you who follow my blog will know that I am a fan of change. I feel that it is important for things to grow and in order to grow, they need to change. I have been out of school for a year next week Friday and so much has changed since then it is scary! I can handle change but some things I honestly thought would never change…

When I got into High school, Timor made me do something that changed the way I thought about my future. If it wasn’t for her, I would never have done first aid or looked at going into Medical school or do some form of medicine. She pushed me to do something and because of her, I realised how much I enjoy learning about the body and how it functions. I have had lots of fun, sweat and tears because of first aid and even though people tried to bring me down because I was the only girl doing it, I tried to follow in Timor’s footsteps and be the best first aider I could be. I did not get what I wanted at the end because some people did not believe I could do it and it hurt me a lot BUT I left that school with my head held high and I have this inner fire that gives me the drive and determination I need to prove them all wrong! To date, my marks for anatomy are one of the highest and I am nowhere close to reaching my full potential. So thank you Timor for showing me what I can do and for believing in me that I can do it.

I had a bit of a rocky patch in my life and I turned my life around. It is because of that I began to see the change in people and began to believe that people can change for the better however your past still has a hold on you sometimes. Sometimes the past you comes out for a bit and that is when you realise that people cannot always change. They wear a mask that hides who they really are or hides behind technology because it is easier than facing people. People from my past are still in my life but I don’t do what I used to do anymore. So I have changed for the better but there are times when the old me wants to come out and I have to learn to control it.

Next: Friends… I can very easily say that I have lost 75% of my school friends in the past year. When I got to high school, I changed groups and lost that entire group due to in house politics. I then moved on to other friends, friends that have been in my life since I was born and nursery school. My very best friend told me that we would be there for each other no matter what and we made all these plans to meet for lunch in between uni and college and that we would see each other a lot. She went on holiday to Israel and came back a totally different person and now, I haven’t spoken to her at all! No lunch dates, no partying, nothing and today I found out that my old group got together this past weekend and didn’t invite me. Feeling the love…NOT! I guess there is nothing I can do. People change and move on, guess it is my chance to move on.

My family members have changed to. My little brother is no longer little and he is talking about applying to University and driving and all of that. Shmoobear has turned into your typical teenager. The attitude with the naughty look but still has her cute look to get her out of serious trouble. Then there is my lil sis… I don’t know where to start. Matric makes people change in ways they never thought they would. It is as if matric is a bug that gets into your system and changes things without you knowing. Makes you grow up and want to experience things with every aspect of life. It gets you ready for what lies ahead and I know that she can handle it and get through it and I know she is always going to be my little sister. Just got accept that they are all growing up and so am I.

Moral of all of this is: We don’t really know what is forever in terms of friends and what is going to be right now. You have to just enjoy every second you get with people and realise that family is forever and that people come in your life to change something. Might be the way you think about your future or turning you into the best sister you can be but you also need to remember that some parts of people cannot change. Br careful of the masks people wear and sometimes people say things or don’t say things to protect you.

Ash
xxx

Things change

So this is my blog post about accepting my new life…

Right here we go: 13 years ago I went to nursery school. Was one of the scariest days of my life. I had to let go of my mommy’s hand and fend for myself in the evil world of socialising and making my own friends. I was not alone though… just as I was trying to hide in the tree house, a little girl was trying to hide too. So we hid and was anti-social together. Soon after that we had our first play date and soon after that we spent every day together.

I was there when her siblings were born and when her brother was rushed to hospital because he cut his head open on a fireman’s pole. Was funny after I wont lie but during we were both scared because they were my siblings too and there was blood everywhere and wasn’t a very pretty site.

We went through school together. Junior school was interesting. Our school was a bit bigger but we still found time for our stuff. When we were in a naughty mood, we would go behind the forbidden wall and tell each other secrets. She was the first person I turned to in my time of need or when something happened. She was there when my Pa died and was one of my only friends who knew him. Mind you, she was one of the only ones he liked.

Moving on… Primary school came and we lost touch for about a month or two. Was horrible. I thought I lost my best friend but then she came back and we were inseparable again. I went through a stage in my life that I kept from her because I knew how she would feel about it. She knew the real me and believed in me. We lost touch again because I began to get in too deep and she became unknown to me. I couldn’t read her and that scared me a lot but I stayed in touch with her mom and made sure she was ok and when she was sick I would show up with a pizza or card or just be there for her.

High school came along and we became friends again and then back to best friends. With us, we always used to go back to where we left off. It is as if we were never apart. Felt good to have her back in my life and I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t lose her as a friend again because it was too painful. Up until this point, we never ever missed a birthday party of each others. One year I was violently ill but I still went to my party because I couldn’t break that tradition. I slept most of the party but that is not the point.

We had our morning rituals and still told secrets except now they were about boys instead of silk worms and dreams and goals instead of what’s for lunch. We used to sit in my room and just talk about everything and when she was going through a hard time or in hospital I was the one who was there! With my pizza and lame jokes to try make her laugh. Grade 11 and 12 we were in the same class for a subject and she designed my tattoo and we spoke about what comes after school and how we were going to keep us going. Sounded like hard work but I thought it was worth it.

December came and my lil sis wasn’t here but my BFF was. When I had a full on freak out, she was there freaking out with me to make me feel better… Then Dec came and went and she went away and when she got back, we fell apart. Plain and simple. I tried to put our plan into action but never worked and here I am, 9 nearly 10 months out of school and we missed each other’s birthdays. Not even a year has gone by and she missed mine and I have no idea if I have missed hers. Sad hey? To think that a 13 year relationship can crumble just because of location and a little bit of thought and effort is needed to stay afloat.

See this is when society and me don’t get along… Surely if someone means a lot to you, you will put in some effort and try make it work. It is not easy trust me and I know that sometimes you feel like you losing it and you tired but a few months ago, that person was your best friend and now what is she? Your ex best friend? Doesn’t work for me. If you don’t want the friendship, fine but you need to say so. You need to explain why you so bloody lazy and cannot pick up the phone once a week to ask how are you? Want to have coffee sometime… See it is not so hard. You just need to put in some effort! Technology has made our lives easy. You can BBM someone very quickly and easily or Whatsapp them. No effort needed just 5 seconds to send a message.

After some time, a person’s hand is going to get tired of waiting for you to grab it and they will eventually stop waiting… So here is my advice for all of you: Call your best friend once in a while. Let them know that you care and that they mean something to you. We all have feelings and we all need a hug every now and again so share the love guys. Friends are there when you can’t turn to your family and often your friends are your family.

I can’t say that you all are going to stay friends forever but I can tell you that effort and letting them know how much they mean to you and how much you appreciate them, will make them keep their arm out a little bit longer when you let go for whatever reason. Some of us will never let go…

Ash
xxx

Exams are over!

Hey guys:)
So here it is… my first college exams are over! I survived them and now my brain is fried. Sitting in my bed, thinking of what is going on in my head I realised what my problem has been.

For the first time, I have not ended school on the same day as my siblings. Sure, whilst I was in matric, my exams were different but we would always start on the same day and end the same time. Now, I get to spend the next week or two on my own whilst my siblings are at school. Also, I did not spend my day with my little sister and that upset me a lot. I spent my day with college friends and in a body expo. Was lots of fun and I had a blast but I felt as if something was missing today.

Ryan did not get to feel the way I did today either. Placing the pen on the desk, getting up with a grin on my face, signing that I wrote the exam and walked out with a feeling of relief and as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. See, college exams are different. They count for the rest of your life so there is more pressure on you. Guess I just have to get used to it and be ok with starting and ending at different times and dates.

The people who mean everything to me are there for me and are still there after school. I have my guy friends and my little sister, honestly I don’t need more than her. She completes my family. Love you lots little one xxx

So today was a good day and overall, I enjoyed it but a piece was still missing.

Love
Ash
xxx

P.S. Check out my new section which I will be launching soon
xxx

Back to the cocktail I go

Hey guys

So this is a mixed post. Time to just let go of my brain and type from the heart…

For the first time today I let go of a time in my life and shared it with my other half. I have been carrying this around with me for a very long time and I have wanted to share this with her for as long as I can remember. I just never had the guts to do it. Don’t ask why but I guess I felt like she might look at me differently. Last night I realised that it was time she knew about it, just had to find the right time to tell her… Don’t know why I was scared to tell her but I am very glad I did.

Today a family member told me something that made my heart sink and made my anger towards her rise to a point where instead of saying something, I just shut my mouth and have yet to say a word… I am the type of person who shows my love for people and if I love you, I don’t want people to think like I don’t. So all my close girl friends, I hug them or kiss them on the cheek. My one friend and I dance together in a club like a couple of weird people. That is just how I am and most of my friends are like that too. Just because we hug or whatever does not mean I have feelings for them! Just means that I am not afraid to show people how much they mean to me.

On Thursday a so-called friend spoke badly about me behind my back. She was not very clever because she did it over BBM and I saw what she had said. Girls here is some advice: Don’t say things over BBM, Facebook, Twitter or any Social site that you would not want the other person or people to see. Truth is that other person is most likely going to show someone else what you said and it is going to come back and bite you in the ass. So just think about that the next time you lie about someone.

The guy in my life is very sweet. He makes me blush more than anyone has ever made me blush before. He is kind and caring and yes he has a bad side and yes I have seen it but the good cancels out the bad in this situation… Is that a good or bad thing? I am not sure but all I know is; we are taking it slow and I am happy with the direction we are going in.

That’s my thoughts for the past hour…

Have a good one
Ash
xxx

Growing up 101

Hey guys

Long time, I know. I am sorry about that but truth is, I have not had the time to sit down and write let alone blog but I am going to make time to blog and write poetry and so on.

Right so here is some advice for growing up… IT SUCKS!!! I had an idea of college in my head and now that I am living it out, it is so different compared to what I thought it would be. For example: My course I have chosen is a lot harder than I thought it would be but I am working hard in order to do my best. After all, this is the rest of my life we are talking about. In school, everyone would say that after matric our lives would start and we would be thrown into the deep end, head first and if you don’t swim, it is your problem. They were not joking. No more spoon feeding, or reminders for assignments or tests. You get told once about it and that is it. If you forgot, oh well, here is to your first fail.

Having said all that, I am still the person I was before I left school. The difference now is; I am on a different campus and I am learning about my career and job choices. College life is very fun. Get to meet new people. People who have the same interests as I do and same goal. We all want to be Somotologists at the end of it and it is nice to talk to people who have the same vision. However, there are still things in my life that mean more to me than my career or college. Some people feel that once you go to college, you tend to lose the person you were in school and all your old friends tend to disappear. This is not true. I am still friends with people I was friends with before, only difference is; I am friends with the people who were there from the beginning and wanted to stay in my life. I am closer to some people after school than I was in school.

You never really leave high school. You always have that one person who is stuck there mentally and acts like an immature 13 year old. As annoying as it is, it feels like a piece of school is still there. School will always be in my heart, I am just on a road to the rest of my life and the important people are on the road trip with me.

So there we have it… I am on the road to my dreams and people such as my parents, lil sis, Samalee and Shmoobear are on it with me and I would not have it any other way. Yes not seeing my lil sis every single day breaks my heart and my mornings are horrible! But when I get to see her, the time I spend with her is more special. Love you

Love
Ash
xxx

MATRIC!!!!!

Hey guys

I think it is fair to say that matric has to be one of the biggest roller coasters out there. I mean think about it…. First it takes away your social life. then your friends because they leave to go overseas and before you know it, the year is over! On the up side, matric has shown me who I have become. It has allowed me to grow as a person and I feel like I have learnt more about myself in the past year than I have in a very long time.

It has taught me that I can stand on my own and I can over come a lot in life if I think about it logically and be a ‘clever bitch’ It has shown me that I am always going to find people who want to hurt me and bring me down but I need to hold my head up high and be proud of who and what I am. I have come to understand that with hard work and passion, I can achieve anything I want to in life. I have come to realise that I can have fun and dance in the rain. Sometimes you just have to let go and live in the moment…. After 2 years of hard work( I did not work in grade 10) I won an academic award and as award for First Aid and my service to human kind. When I was called up my heart sank and I did not believe it was my name they were calling out which brings me to my next point… After I got my award the first person I told was my lil sis. She is my rock, my torch, my everything and if it was not for her, I would be the person I am today. School brought her to me and I will always be grateful to my school for allowing me to meet my muse.

Matric is hard make no mistake and it is a year I will never forget… It has its highs such as my matric jersey, being heads of the school, my matric dance and creating ever lasting bonds. It also has its lows, hard work, pressure, pimples, stress and goodbyes…

Ash

xxx

 

5 years gone

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

So scared and small,
we walked into the big hall.
Holding hands, side by side…
we sang our song and wanted to hide.

We now the nothing grade, grade nine.
That year went just fine…
That year was all about friends
and teachers were like mother hens.

Grade ten is under way
and we chose our subjects hooray.
Time to think what we want to be.
What will happen to us? We had to wait and see.

Grade eleven, time to sell sweet hearts.
Love is in the air, teddy bears filled the carts.
Then came prom, time to dance.
Will you be spotted on Glance?

Stress comes, matric time.
Your social life is a silent mime.
Pressure is on you like mud on a pig.
If you mess up, a hole for your future you will dig!

High school structure is all set out.
How the five years work, you have no doubt.
But after that, what happens then???
Who will be our mother hen?

Time to offload

Good evening viewers.

I am sorry for what I am about to post but today I have been a punching bag and I need somewhere to offload it to and I cannot think of a better place than here.

Firstly, I start finals tomorrow. Yes I have done one already but this one seems more like a final than my last one. I won’t lie I am a bit excited to write these finals and get it over and done with but at the same time, I am beyond scared right now. These marks and exams will determine my future. This is what I have been told for the past year and now the time is finally here for me to sit down and write them… Scary to think how fast the year has gone.

Today we were shown a video from our grade 8 year. This was a shock and a half and the whole of the matric body, linked arms and cried as we watched this. 5 years of our lives are coming to an end and we cannot stop the train for a little bit. Full steam ahead we go…

To brighten up school, I get to close a chapter and start a new one. I think I am ready for what life has in store but I know that no matter what happens, I will always have my lil sis, family and friends and honestly I do not feel like I need anything more to get me through the next few months.

Dancing is amazing. Been given a opporunity to dance in a hair show. I am very excited about that but at the same time, I am having trouble with dance as one girl is making it very hard for me to teach and to show people my passion and to pass it on. Time for a detox!!!! I have to get rid of all the bad in order to let the good in.

For some reason, I seem to be missing Ryan a lot. Not sure why… Think it is to do with the fact that once matric is over, I feel like I am leaving him behind in a way. I am leaving his tree and our room. School was what made me find him and now I am leaving it. Stupid thought I know because he will live on in my memories and my heart but the only physical things I have of him is at school and in my space case. The last night I ever saw him, was New Years and for some unknown reason, I kept the bottle cap of the last drink we had together. When he died, I poked a hole in it and put it on a chain.

Even though my feelings right now are mixed and confusing, I still love my life and the people in it because at the end of the day people come and go in our lives to make us the people we are meant to be.

Have a good night and will post when I can

Ash

xxx

 

My cocktail phase

Good evening all my gorgeous viewers

Hope you are all well this fine evening. I am going through a very weird phase at the moment. To be honest, I feel like I am a cocktail. Lots of drinks mixed together but taste good:P Only joking to an extent…

Firstly it feels very weird not going to class. I cannot believe I am finished actual school. It is a very scary yet amazing feeling. I feel all grown up and old now and I cannot wait to begin my life outside of my school walls but at the same time I am going to miss a lot of people however I am not going to miss the school system.

Dancing has become a bit of a pain but I have put up with all the drama and on Sunday it is finally going to pay off. My show case is going to happen and I am beyond excited to get up on that stage and dance and show the world all my passion and fire that burns inside of me when it comes to performing and dancing.

Social life does not really exist at the moment as Matric has taken us all hostage for the next few months but it is ok. To be honest I am not really phased about it because I know all the hard work will pay off or so I hope.

As you can see I have a whole lot of emotions running through my veins and I am not sure what to do with them. When they want to come out they just come out and I do not plan on stopping them as my emotions remind me why I started my blog and it also reminds me that I am human and cannot do everything without caring and breaking. Time to take a step back from a few things and time to do things for myself and not worry about stepping on other people’s toes.

As for you guys, I am sorry I have been neglecting you but there is not much free time I have to write on my blog. When I get the chance I promise I will write and keep you all updated with what is hot and happening in my life.

So for now I bid thy a good night.

Ash

xxx

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