Posts Tagged ‘growing up’

Time Restraints

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

As the strap gets wrapped
around my fragile neck,
my heart begins to race.
WAIT! I need one more sec…

The buckle gets fastened
and my neck begins to grow.
Losing air quickly I fear.
All I want to do is say no.

Tic toc tic toc.
The time slowly tics away.
Suffocation takes over!
I am defeated… I have no say.

Nothing is no longer free.
Time controls it all.
One hour coffee here and there.
Everything is restricted, I’ve hit a wall.

I am slowly suffocating with time restraints.
I can no longer be spontaneous.
That’s what happens when you grow up.
Watch out the window… is a sure miss.

Second year

Hello all my gorgeous viewers

Here we are again, beginning of a new year with new opportunities and challenges. I am very excited for this year in terms of college because this is the year I find my feet. Let me explain.

This year I get to do things for myself. I get to run a salon and learn stuff that is going to be a challenge for me. I can’t do stuff that does not make me think. I get bored too quickly. That is why I always need to keep busy and so on. I choose my majors and minors this year and that is very exciting for me. End of this year, I will be a qualified Somotologist. How crazy is that!? The thing I have been dreaming of will come true end of this year please G-D and then I specialise. Ok so that is a very scary thought. Time waits for nobody! and if you not ready, the train will leave with or without you so I guess I need to ready because if I wasn’t, I would not be at the train station waiting for this train.

It has been a hard couple of months and the next few are going to be harder because I need to choose the train. My little sister started first year today and I am watching her get onto her train scared as anything but ready for the ride. It is not an easy thing for an older sibling to watch their younger siblings grow up but like I said, time waits for no-one so you need to get on and be there for them when they need you.

My brother is in grade 11 and getting his learners licence this year and will be applying for university soon and my poor heart is not coping with them growing up. BUT I am happy for them because they will get to follow their dreams just like I am doing right now and they will do amazingly well this year. My Shmoobear is also growing up. Grade 9 now and full of shit! But I love her lots.

So, new trains, new experiences and challenges but same old family. They just more grown up now. I guess so am I. I need to be grown up to cope with them growing up and I need to get my ducks in a line so that I can be there for them even when my life is changing. Matric you have to choose your course, I now need to choose my direction for my career and that is not an easy thing to do. My choices is going to disappoint some people and make other people feel like they have won and were right all along but truth is: I need to do this for me. I need to choose the directions I can live with and be happy about… What will I choose, I am not so sure right now but what I am sure about is where I need to be and that is right here for my siblings. That is my choice.

I want to wish everyone good luck for the year and their studies. May you all reach your dreams and never give up! If you want it enough, you will find a way to have it.

Love
Ash
xxx

People change

Hey guys

For those of you who follow my blog will know that I am a fan of change. I feel that it is important for things to grow and in order to grow, they need to change. I have been out of school for a year next week Friday and so much has changed since then it is scary! I can handle change but some things I honestly thought would never change…

When I got into High school, Timor made me do something that changed the way I thought about my future. If it wasn’t for her, I would never have done first aid or looked at going into Medical school or do some form of medicine. She pushed me to do something and because of her, I realised how much I enjoy learning about the body and how it functions. I have had lots of fun, sweat and tears because of first aid and even though people tried to bring me down because I was the only girl doing it, I tried to follow in Timor’s footsteps and be the best first aider I could be. I did not get what I wanted at the end because some people did not believe I could do it and it hurt me a lot BUT I left that school with my head held high and I have this inner fire that gives me the drive and determination I need to prove them all wrong! To date, my marks for anatomy are one of the highest and I am nowhere close to reaching my full potential. So thank you Timor for showing me what I can do and for believing in me that I can do it.

I had a bit of a rocky patch in my life and I turned my life around. It is because of that I began to see the change in people and began to believe that people can change for the better however your past still has a hold on you sometimes. Sometimes the past you comes out for a bit and that is when you realise that people cannot always change. They wear a mask that hides who they really are or hides behind technology because it is easier than facing people. People from my past are still in my life but I don’t do what I used to do anymore. So I have changed for the better but there are times when the old me wants to come out and I have to learn to control it.

Next: Friends… I can very easily say that I have lost 75% of my school friends in the past year. When I got to high school, I changed groups and lost that entire group due to in house politics. I then moved on to other friends, friends that have been in my life since I was born and nursery school. My very best friend told me that we would be there for each other no matter what and we made all these plans to meet for lunch in between uni and college and that we would see each other a lot. She went on holiday to Israel and came back a totally different person and now, I haven’t spoken to her at all! No lunch dates, no partying, nothing and today I found out that my old group got together this past weekend and didn’t invite me. Feeling the love…NOT! I guess there is nothing I can do. People change and move on, guess it is my chance to move on.

My family members have changed to. My little brother is no longer little and he is talking about applying to University and driving and all of that. Shmoobear has turned into your typical teenager. The attitude with the naughty look but still has her cute look to get her out of serious trouble. Then there is my lil sis… I don’t know where to start. Matric makes people change in ways they never thought they would. It is as if matric is a bug that gets into your system and changes things without you knowing. Makes you grow up and want to experience things with every aspect of life. It gets you ready for what lies ahead and I know that she can handle it and get through it and I know she is always going to be my little sister. Just got accept that they are all growing up and so am I.

Moral of all of this is: We don’t really know what is forever in terms of friends and what is going to be right now. You have to just enjoy every second you get with people and realise that family is forever and that people come in your life to change something. Might be the way you think about your future or turning you into the best sister you can be but you also need to remember that some parts of people cannot change. Br careful of the masks people wear and sometimes people say things or don’t say things to protect you.

Ash
xxx

Be thankful

Hey guys

So the past week has not been very fun for me at all! I spent most of my week in a hospital waiting room because my grandfather was in hospital and having all that time makes you think. You can’t do anything else so thinking was bound to happen and I have a new understanding of how much my family means to me…

Ok so firstly, I have come to understand how lucky I am to have 3 grandparents alive and even though my other grandfather is not here with us anymore, I know he is there to protect me and he is always looking over me and I really do hope that he is proud of who I have become. You see, today I got a look at what my life would have been like if I had stayed with the rebel group and let me tell you it did not look very pretty and I am very proud of who I have become. I have my family to thank for that because they have kept me on the right track of life. Well the right track for me anyway. Thank G-D my Oupie is ok now and is at home recovering.

They always say that once you don’t have something, you realise how much you need it. Well let me tell you the past few days I have not been able to speak to my lil sis because of our Jewish holiday but sitting in the hospital I began to think about my life and how much I have and who I have. See I don’t measure wealth from material things but I measure wealth from who you have in your life and how much love you have in your life and what comes with the people in your life. I am the most luckiest person in the world! The reason is simple: I have parents who love me, I have a brother who drives me insane but he always makes me laugh and I love him with all my heart and soul. I have a Shmoobear who gives me feel better juice and grey hairs and I am very proud of her! Then there is my lil sis… It is very hard to sum up how much she has done for me but she is my muse and inspiration. I love her round and round the world and never ever stops

When I am down and don’t know why I am who I am and why I do the things I do, I just need to look at my 3 siblings and then the answer is right there in front of me… I wake up in the morning to say good morning to them and my experiences help me to guide them and having their love and acceptance is what I live for. As corny as that sounds, my family really is my drive and my reasoning at the moment for succeeding in life. At the end of the day, they are always going to be there and friends come and go but my family is my everything. They going to be there when I finish college, they will be sitting next to me when I get married, they will be there for my first child and grandchild and they will be there in the end.

Moral of my shitty week… My family is my everything. You only get one family so try make it work between yours. No-one said that a family is perfect because none are! Every single family have problems but keep the bigger picture in mind… you only have one family and at the end of the day, they have been there for you when you fell off your bike or your first heart break so just because you don’t live with them anymore, doesn’t mean that the bond needs to disappear and break.

Everything can be glued you just have to want to glue it and have the patience to sit and wait for it to dry…

Ash
xxx

I am one proud sister

Hey guys

So tonight I experienced something that I have never come across before.

Every single year my Shmoobear(little sister) dances in this one competition. I have yet to miss a dance and every dance I can go to I go to. I do her make-up and hold her hand while she has her hair done because this stuff is beyond painful! Anyway, this year was no different. We sat on the stairs and waited to go in and then she began to dance…

Firstly she did modern which was awesome and I clapped and screamed as usual and then contemporary came along and that is when the tears started. Her whole group came on stage dressed in black. The skirts were gorgeous and their hair looked amazing! As she started to dance, I started to smile and then it hit me. My little Shmoobear is not so little anymore. For the first time on stage I saw her as a woman and not a little girl. The more I watched her the more I cried and the dance was so moving so I cried some more. When the ran off stage, I looked at my mom and she was crying as much as I was and then we turned back and all the other mommy’s were crying and everyone was just in tears.

They got an A for both their dances and I am beyond proud of all of them. They have grown into such a strong and passionate group of girls and watching them dance is mesmerising. I am not one to boast but they really are a bunch of talented young women and I am very proud of each and every one of them. I am very proud of my Shmoobear and I am very happy that I have a sister like her in my life.

Love you lots Shmoobear

Love
Shweebear

My eyes are wide open now

Hey guys

So my college took over my life for a bit but now I am back and have I got news for you…

So I seem to be getting good at this treatment giving thing. I mean, I have been chosen to work at the annual ProBeauty which is this huge convention whereby all the big brands in our beauty industry put on a show and they show off all their new products and have big sales and I am just so excited to be going there! Not only am I working there but I get to go with my lil sis and my mom as well. So it is going to be lots of fun.

Last week I was very self centred and I did not like it one bit. I put the wrong people first and that did not make me feel very nice… My lil sis decided to turn 18 and get her learners all in a space of a few days. My poor heart cannot handle so much growing up at once but I am very proud of her and she has become an astonishing woman and I am very proud to call her my little sister.

Speaking of sisters, my older two have now got a new little sister and I felt very replaced today when I saw them. I love them a lot but today I felt like I did not really know them because this other chic was going on about how she knows this and that and I’m like oh that is nice… never knew that. Anyway, it really is ok but my eyes are now open to what is important to me in my life at the moment. They still there for me and I promise you all right now that if I had to call them to come and fetch me, they really would.

My school best friend and I don’t talk at all anymore and I am ok with that to an extent. I knew this was coming deep down but I did not want it to happen. Everything happens for a reason and I believe in this 100% People come and go and a few stay. The ones that stay are the ones that will be there when you need them during the bad times not only the good. My family are the people that I need in my life and the rest can come and go. Sometimes I feel as if I am a railway station and trains come and go with new and old people but there are those few who are there always and that is all that I need in my life.

I have been out of school for 8 months now and I am starting a business and working for other people but that doesn’t satisfy me completely. What puts a smile on my face and makes me feel whole is coming home to a family that loves me and going to my lil sis and watching how excited she gets when she gets to paint my nails or plat my hair. Things like that is what makes my life worth living! Not money or how big my room is. Its my family and making people happy and that makes me very proud to be me.

My Pa always used to tell me ” At the end of the day all you really have is your name” Now this is something that he always told me and that is something that I keep with me to this day. At the end of the day, I want to think of me and say that I was good at my job because I made them happy and I want my 3 siblings to think of the good times we have and that when they needed me, I was always there. This is what is important to me and if you not ok with that, well then I am sorry but money means nothing if you don’t have someone to go shopping with.

Have a great weekend
Ash
xxx

Mom in school uniform and I am all grown up…

Hey guys

Been awhile I know and I am sorry but truth is I just have not had the brain to write lately. I am not sure why. I guess I just have not had the inspiration to write or the courage to show myself how I was or am really feeling.

About five minutes ago my mother came to me and asked me for my school uniform because they are all going to work in school uniforms. My heart got flooded with about a thousand emotions. I have not warn my school uniform since the last exam I wrote in school uniform which was the 21st of November 2012. HOW SCARY IS THAT???? Anyway back to my heart. The thought of her in my uniform and me not in it is actually making me sad. I hung up my uniform last year and I have now got a new one which I will be wearing for the rest of my life. Well the style of it anyway. So as I place my matric jersey on, I get flooded with memories. stories, tears I shared, tears I caused and of course my roots. Took me 12 years to get that jersey and it took forever to get it but was taken from me quickly. I now see the new matrics in their jerseys and I cannot help but smile because I know what it feels like to wear it. Gives you a sense of pride and achievement. So for the first time this year my uniform will be warn tomorrow but not by me…

College is very hard at the moment. I am loving it very much and the challenge is fun but I guess I am just missing being little. I miss my school friends chilling by our table, laughing or walking around in a circle for no reason. I miss my Friday songs that we would write and picking flowers to rip apart in front of my little sister. I miss her hugs every morning and her smile when I am down. I spoke to an old class mate today. She was saying how weird it is not being in each other’s pockets and knowing every little detail. She said something that we just need to get used to this new life of ours and deal with the loss of some friendships. I don’t talk to most people from my school year and when I see them in a shop, we talk as if we never left. And then it hits me

No matter how much time my grade spends apart, we will always be Matric 2012! We will always have a tie to each other and we can still talk as if we were back in the same class. Truth of the matter is no matter how far apart we are or how old we get, we will always have the same roots and always be a Davidian. I am now just adding on to who I am. I am a health and skin care specialist in training and loving every moment. Still have the clicks in college and the bitches and nerds. I still love to party and I am still the person everyone turns to when they need a quick answer or someone to listen to them. Difference is: Instead of me hugging my sister in the morning, I bbm her and sit in my car whilst listening to our Torch. People know not to bug me in the morning when I am in my car because it is my time with my sister. I don’t get to see my school friends as much anymore but we get together as often as possible and we get to catch up and learn new things and get to hear how their lives are. When I am with them, feels like we still in school because we can still talk rubbish and they all comment the same way that they used to.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the paths I have chosen and how they have effected my life. I have been saying the what if’s and if I chose this instead of that where would I be right now? Truth is I would not change a thing! I am a big sister to three amazing little siblings and they will always be little in my eyes. The paths I have chosen have allowed me to advise them on the do’s and don’ts because I have been down the wrong path and I have given into peer pressure and so on. I do not regret anything in my life and I know I can only get stronger.

So as my mom get’s into my school uniform, I will be getting into my college uniform and as weird and sad as it is, at least the uniform that got me through hell and gave me my sister, it can have one last journey.

Ash
xxx

Growing up 101

Hey guys

Long time, I know. I am sorry about that but truth is, I have not had the time to sit down and write let alone blog but I am going to make time to blog and write poetry and so on.

Right so here is some advice for growing up… IT SUCKS!!! I had an idea of college in my head and now that I am living it out, it is so different compared to what I thought it would be. For example: My course I have chosen is a lot harder than I thought it would be but I am working hard in order to do my best. After all, this is the rest of my life we are talking about. In school, everyone would say that after matric our lives would start and we would be thrown into the deep end, head first and if you don’t swim, it is your problem. They were not joking. No more spoon feeding, or reminders for assignments or tests. You get told once about it and that is it. If you forgot, oh well, here is to your first fail.

Having said all that, I am still the person I was before I left school. The difference now is; I am on a different campus and I am learning about my career and job choices. College life is very fun. Get to meet new people. People who have the same interests as I do and same goal. We all want to be Somotologists at the end of it and it is nice to talk to people who have the same vision. However, there are still things in my life that mean more to me than my career or college. Some people feel that once you go to college, you tend to lose the person you were in school and all your old friends tend to disappear. This is not true. I am still friends with people I was friends with before, only difference is; I am friends with the people who were there from the beginning and wanted to stay in my life. I am closer to some people after school than I was in school.

You never really leave high school. You always have that one person who is stuck there mentally and acts like an immature 13 year old. As annoying as it is, it feels like a piece of school is still there. School will always be in my heart, I am just on a road to the rest of my life and the important people are on the road trip with me.

So there we have it… I am on the road to my dreams and people such as my parents, lil sis, Samalee and Shmoobear are on it with me and I would not have it any other way. Yes not seeing my lil sis every single day breaks my heart and my mornings are horrible! But when I get to see her, the time I spend with her is more special. Love you

Love
Ash
xxx

Never forget

By:Ashlee Zlotnick

You funny, talented and smart.
Our friendship is stuck on the
ever lasting wall with a dart…
Don’t ever forget that.

You make me laugh when I am down
and I will always do the same.
Think of me as your personal clown.
Haha never forget that.

You growing up and that is tough
but you will get through it all.
You don’t have powers like a Power Puff
but you have me. Never forget that.

So Missy here it is…you need a torch
and I will be one for you with pleasure.
We can sit and talk or cry on your porch.
You are an amazing person…please don’t forget that!