Posts Tagged ‘heart’

Tears of joy

smurf
By: Ashlee Zlotnick

Standing in the back
awaiting your queue.
How would I react?
I haven’t a clue!

Final call
its time to sit.
Then you came…
the room was lit.

I cannot describe
how proud I am of you.
You opened your mouth
and our hearts just grew.

It got filled with belief
and filled with love.
Your dreams are a symbol of hope
like the olive branch and dove.

I’m proud to,
stand up and say…
I cried tears of
joy today.

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Need a place to belong

Hey guys. Here is a thought that has been lingering around my head for weeks now and it is time that I put it out there.

My whole school career I always had my space. It just gave me a sense of belonging. A place to go to catch my breath and to get away for 5 minutes just to recharge and to gather my thoughts.
hours
Nursery school, I used to sit in our tree house and watch the people go by as I counted to ten to calm myself down otherwise I would have bitten more than one child during nursery school.

Junior school, my best friend and I found a bench behind all the classrooms. We would go there when we were sad because we were surrounded by pretty flowers and there were no boys who were trying to kiss us. Ok, so we both had boyfriends but we needed time outs so we would go there. We would talk about our dreams and so on. I wanted to be a dustbin lady at that age. The thought of driving and making my mom run behind the truck used to kill me. Sounded perfect.

Primary school came along and my rebel stage began. We bunched class and hid in the Blind Spot. The older we got, the more professional our hiding spots got and all the people who used to bunk, would write their names on the wall. I think my name is still there.

Then high school hit and my room was created. One day my best friend and I were bunking and the student leaders were walking in and out of the bathrooms so our usual spot was compromised and we ran into a storage looking room. Ever since that day, it became our room. When he died it became my room and now its my lil sis and my room.

We became so pro at bunking. There were a bunch of us who used to bunk and we had our own bathroom stall to run into when we needed to hide. We used to draw and write on the walls and make it our own. We were so proud of our Goth Tinkerbell. Took us 4 hours!!! We bunked an assembly to do that piece of art and now it is gone(sad face)

As I got older and more involved with my marks and I actually started to care about my future, I would bunk less but I still used to go to my room during breaks or before class just to gather my thoughts and to block people out so that I could figure out what I wanted and not what my friends and teachers wanted.

Now I am at college and it’s not that I want to bunk classes that I don’t like because I am doing things I want to do but I need my space. I need to feel like I belong somewhere in this college besides for the classrooms.

My car has become my thinking space. My time to spend just with my little sister.(yes on bbm but still) But I still need my something. I feel like I am missing a room or a garden chair but I am missing something.

I know I will find or maybe I have already found it… Truth is there is not one person in my life that I can replace. My sense of belonging comes in when my heart feels at home and in a place where it belongs. My place where I belong is with my family. My parents, 3 siblings and my grandparents. Yes my cousins too but I don’t need anything else and I am searching or was searching for something that I already have.

I am right where I need and want to be. College is a place whereby my career is going to start but not end. My heart has come from my family and it will continue to grow and love for as long as I have my family in my life.

Something to reflect on your life…

Ash
xxx

Best day ever!

Good evening all my awesome viewers

So lately I have been going through hell! I am not able to post about the details as I am not ready to share it with everyone but what I can tell you I will.
Long story short I have got to lose two people who are very close to me in order to stand by my father. Tough stuff wouldn’t you say! You see I am stuck in a very tight spot. I feel like I am unable to breathe and I am not able to move and think. First time ever my mind is completely blank. This is very scary for me! I am not sure what the right thing is but I do know that family is for life and I need to do what is best for my father… even if it means I have to lose something near and dear to my heart.

I have always said I am an older sister before anything else. What I am going through now will teach me a life lesson that I will be able to tell my little siblings about. All the wrong paths I have gone down has led to heartache and a lot of tears. If I can stop them from going down the same road, I am going to! Even if it means that I have to burst their bubble in order to protect them. Having said that, I also need to learn that they need to learn somethings on their own. If I prevent heartbreak and tears, they will never know what it feels like. Sometimes I just have to sit back and wait a little bit for them to think for themselves BUT I will never let them get in so deep that they cannot get out or that they get torn to pieces! If I can soften the blow, I am going to. The heart wants what the hearts wants and no-one can tell it otherwise.

Back to today. Because of my issue, I have been very down and upset. I cried for most of the night and I am just not me at the moment. I got home from college today and as I walked into my room, my Lil Sis surprised me. She was really there! The one person I needed a hug from was actually standing there in my room. Was amazing to see her. My Shmoobear was the mastermind behind this plan of theirs. She is an astonishing person and the two of them make me honored to be thier sister. They got all the foods that make me feel better but truth is: all I needed was them. Having the two of them there for me means the world to me and made me realise how lucky I really am. These girls love me so much that they planned for 9 hours to cheer me up. Today has been the best day ever!

I love them more than life itself and I will do anything for them! I do not need anything or anyone else in my life. I have amazing parents, grandparents and 3 mind-blowing younger siblings.

Life is hard but I am blessed with an amazing support system! Love you guys so much!
Love
Me
xxx

Here we go

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

Here I stand,
all grown up.
The view is scary
from all the way up top.

No more school for me.
Only college and hard work.
This will define my future
and mold me into who I am meant to be professionally.

As excited as I am,
I’m very scared too.
What if questions fill my head.
What if my heart doesn’t agree?

But then I put my theory to practise
and fall in-love with what I am doing.
So this is truly my passion.
Right deep breath in… Here we go

Time to open up my heart

By:Ashlee Zlotnick

I seem to have a tickle in my throat.
I wonder if its my heart’s desire to talk.
Not going to lie, I’m afraid to tell you how I feel
because I have known you since before we could walk.

Is it wrong of me to need you?
To want you by my side
but then I begin to think of you
and how lately you have lied.

Ever since HE has come into your life,
we have drifted far a part.
Is this the beginning of the end?
Are we sitting at the start?

It’s time I open my heart to you.
I hope we at the start for you see
life without you would totally suck
you actually mean the world to me.