Posts Tagged ‘hurt’

Now what

Have you guys ever been hit with a rock so big that you have no idea how you feel? You know that feeling when you run into the garage door, fall on the floor and you start to laugh before you cry because your body is just so numb? Or how about when you are just so angry you don’t care? Welcome to my world…

I have been faced with one of my biggest relationship challenges I think I have ever been faced. There are just so many people to consider that I have got no idea how to move forward from here. And my best part, when I think I am ready to move on… The rock comes back to hit me with even more force.

My puzzle that used to be my life, a perfect picture with a few spaces between them has now turned into a mess on the floor and I want to just walk away. But I can’t… why… because I am not the only one to consider. There are other people being effected by this rock. People who used to love this rock but right now, all I see is the mold.

I guess once you hurt me to a point, I break. I am strong but right now I am far from it. I am injured and torn and just in pieces and I am not sure what my glue is… For those of you know read my work often will know about my broken plate idea. (Go look in my theories section for the broken plate) So I do not think that right now there is a way to fix my plate right now and this is scaring me a lot.

So now what…

Last Chance

last chance
By: Ashlee Zlotnick

You can say you miss me.
You can say you sorry.
Throw in you care as well
normally I would say,’don’t worry.’

I’ll give you another chance,
and a few more after that.
I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt
but you beginning to hit me with a bat.

Words can mean a lot
if you show how you feel!
Actions speak louder than words
and if you big talk, I can’t deal.

I’m tired of being let down.
I’m so tired of being hurt!
It’s time I surround myself with good
and stop being treated like dirt.

So, no more chances.
You used up your last chance.
I need to concentrate on people who love me
and people who will forever be part of my dance.

I need you to understand

Feathered masks, crazy outfits… everyone is getting dressed up for our Jewish Holiday Purim. This is meant to be a happy time where smiles are shared, jokes are said and comments are made on the family who dressed up as rabbits but for me, this time is like a nightmare that I relive every single year…

The last Purim party I ever went to was Ryan’s because his birthday always landed around Purim. So every year he would have a dress up party or just him and I would put on a stupid hat. Today, the site of a feather mask has turned into a phobia for me in a way. As I write this post crying, I remember that night so clearly.

I wore a flesh top and jeans, I had just sprained my wrist so I had my bandage on and a white feathered mask that had beads coming down the side of it. Was my best mask ever and I loved it so much. Everyone was given a mask and the party took place on a golf course. I sat with a whole bunch of people who were a lot older than me. I sat with his sisters and the people who matriculated in 2011 as well as my soon to be boyfriend who is now my ex. My one best friend was there as well. We danced and sang and had a total jol. My mom came to pick me up in MY school uniform! She looked like a naughty school girl and as I saw her I hid under the bench with Ryan and he just sat and laughed at me as my face became blood shot red! He told my mom where I was and I hit him across the arm. Oh well I said sorry before I left and we parted… 11 months after that he passed away

So I am sorry if I am not cheery tonight and I am sorry if I am not all there but truth is: this time of year hurts like hell and something that I used to love to do is now my nightmare I relive every single year! So yes, I lose my inner clown tonight and yes I am sure I will be able to party on Purim once more but for now, its too sore. I have never said anything like this out loud but I just needed the people who I hold close to my heart to understand where I am coming from and why I have such a thing about someone wearing a mask( physically and emotionally)

Happy 21st for tomorrow Ryan… Love and miss you like mad
R.I.P

My Fears

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

Everyone has a fear.
Mine keeps my heart near.
Sometimes it brings doom
because I have not let something wonderful bloom.

I have a fear to get hurt.
I’m scared to be treated like dirt.
My fear may overcome me
and stop me from loving thee.

But I have learnt to be ok
with opening up in a way.
No more fear in my heart
since you shot me with a dart.

Even though we are no more,
you helped open up a door.
Time to let go of our fears and move along…
We will soon sing a fearless song

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas. I hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas eve. You better be in bed before Santa comes!!!!

Sweet dreams my wonderful viewers and I just want to thank you all for following me and being behind me this year. It has not been an easy one and New Years is not going to be easy for me either but I am going to surround myself with people I love and I know that I will get through it. It is hard to think that this time last year I was planning on going to a party with Ryan. To be honest I was not sure if I wanted to go but I am glad I did because it was the last time I saw him…

It is going to be a rough couple of days

Ash

xxx

Life

By:Ashlee Zlotnick

It’s not about judging a person by the way they look.
You have to sit and read their personal book.
There is no use at looking at the cover
because you will never know who was her lover.

There is no point at only seeing the bad
because my friends, then you will never be glad.
Life has its ups and downs
but it is not nice to only have frowns.

You will learn to love and then get hurt.
This life lesson will keep your heart more alert.
There is nothing better than to love one another
and that person could be your friend, sibling or mother.

You need to look after your surroundings for you see
we can make the planet cleaner for you and me.
We want generations after us to be proud
and admit whats we did was good out loud.

When life’s not looking, I like to laugh and make jokes.
My heart feels better because it sits and soaks
up all the laugher because it makes me feel better.
Like a wife receiving a romantic love letter.