Posts Tagged ‘love’

New angel in Heaven

It is always hard to pay tribute to people you do not believe needs it. This is one of the hardest posts I have ever had to write.

A week ago, the world lost an earth angel. She was kind, caring, a pure soul and left this year a few decades too early. I spent the last 2 weeks of her life with her making business plans to better both our lives but more importantly, to better the lives of other people. It was one of her best qualities.

She always made sure that other people were happy. In winter, she would buy blankets for homeless people to make sure that they stayed warm and welcomed anyone into her home. Food was her passion. She loved to cook and she was beyond good at it!

I still cannot believe she is gone because she was not ready to go. The night she passed away, she spoke to her daughter and told her that she loves her and that same night, she told me that she was proud of me and that she loved me lots for helping her out with her new business venture.

If I have learnt anything from this devastating crack in the universe, I have learnt how important it is to tell the people that you love how much they mean to you every single night before you go to sleep because we never know… life can change in an instant and not always for the better.

I hope that I can carry out her way of life in terms of helping people and make people happy. I also hope to carry out her business idea one day. When I am ready and make sure that it is everything she wanted and more.

R.I.P Vanessa. I knew you for 20 years and I wish it was more. Thank you for helping me on my journey of helping children with cancer and making my weird and wonderful birthday cakes come to life. I will never forget what an amazing person you were and how much you impacted on my life and my family. Sunday Potjie and tequila will not be the same without you.

 

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2017- It’s going to be a good one

Hello all my gorgeous viewers

What a way to start the year! It has been raining in my hometown for a week already. I would like to think of it as a sign that it is time to allow things to grow and become green again.

Last year was not fun for many people.  A lot seemed to have happened in the last few months and everyone ended the year off with a cross face or feeling down. It is time to all stand up and watch the world grow green grass and flowers. It is time for us all to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and start to make something of our lives.

I was cleaning out my room today and decided that I was going to throw all the negative thoughts and feelings out the window and embrace the good and warmth of positivity.

It is time to grow and better ourselves. This is going to be a year where we are all going to accomplish our dreams and make a name for ourselves.

Happy new year!

Love,

Ash

xxx

What is love?

What is love? Is it an emotion, an illness, a feeling, common? Love is hard to pin point and yet we cannot live without it!

Love is free falling off the edge of a cliff or jumping out of a plane without any gear. Love is overwhelming and confusing and takes over your life. Love is looking into someone’s eyes and not being able to look away. It’s worrying endlessly about them and their wellbeing and once you find out they ok, it’s yelling at the top of your lungs because they left you out in the cold all alone. 

Love is scary and uncontrollable. You cannot explain why you love someone or why you would die for them. What difference does it make if they go away for 3 weeks and you don’t get to see them or they open up to other people instead of you? Honestly, love makes you do all weird and wonderful things.

Love give you the ability to be vulnerable with someone. You know that they could break your heart at any given moment. They could leave you, replace you, find someone new and yet you ok with that because you believe that what you have is something special and cannot be replaced.

Love is a many splendid thing. Love is oxygen mixed with carbon dioxide. It’s yin and yang. If you don’t balance and trust, love can ruin you but at the same time, love can change you into the person that you are meant to become.

Love,

Ash

Xxx

A soul lost but not forgotten

It’s hard to talk about how you feel. It’s harder to accept how you feel. Worst of all, how do you figure out how you feel? You need to figure that out before you can accept and begin to deal with how you feel inorder for you to heal. 

2 weeks ago I got a phone call that made my blood turn cold and my skin turn white. It was so unexpected that I did not know how to react let alone cope. 24 year old. He was only 24 and lost the battle with addiction. How can something as small as a little pill be so powerful and life threatening? Small really is powerful. Molecules we can’t see with our naked eye, keeps us alive. So in essence, makes sense how something so small can dictate life…

What do you say to the family? I wish you long life, sorry for your loss, no regrets… How is that comforting? You walk behind this box that contains the family’s prize possession. Almost like the unique diamond that is owned by only one person or a painting without a duplicate. There is only one… Or so there was only one…

After the longest walk of their life, you arrive at a hole in the ground hoping that they don’t fall in or jump in after this precious box. THUMP THUMP THUMP. Your soul sinks into your shoes, tears roll down your face and your heart seems to break into thousands of pieces as you hear the father cry out in pain. Not a dry eye in site as family members confess their regrets out loud… I am sorry I failed you and was not able to help you in your time of need! 

Slowly but surely you walk away and as their cries get softer, your thoughts get louder. Only problem is you have no idea what your thoughts are. Are you happy that he is no longer suffering and having this constant battle in his life or are you sad and horrified by the whole event? How do you come back from this? How do you learn to cope? Are you so angry at the fact that he could be so selfish or was it an accident? These are all just questions… Questions you will never get the answers to. 

Time goes by so slowly and yet seems to fly. The pain takes long to go away however memories and voices seem to fade quickly. It all just does not make sense… How do you feel? How can you put into words your shock and disbelief? People come up and ask you so how you doing and and truth is you have got no idea! Because fact of the matter is you buried someone who meant something to you, and you do not believe that you should have done it in the first place! 

I am 21 years old. I have buried my best friend, and now a brother figure. That’s not right. And how does this all make me feel? When I figure it out I will let y all know. How to you cope and move on from it all? You don’t move on, you don’t forget, you learn to live with the pain and giant gap where he used to stand. 

He is a soul that has been lost but not forgotten. 

Please guys, addiction is a serious problem that can have and does have effects on everyone around you. Get help before it’s too late. It does not make you weak in anyway, makes you strong and brave. Admitting You have a problem and need help is the first step. There will always be people around to love and support you. 

Take what I am saying to heart,

Ash

Jealousy or does it go deeper than that?

Dear fellow viewers…

Life is hard and frankly it sucks! So many negative people and negative feelings and events, that it’s starting to make the world look grey and colourless.

I have always been the type of person to find the good. Try find the colour in every storm but lately it seems to get a lot harder every event. People seem to be losing their inner sunshine and that has become a real downer on the people like myself who try hard to be positive. Eventually it starts to drain you to the point whereby you stop seeing the colour and all you see is the grey and that is very scary for me.

See events happen and that can make you feel jealous. Like you don’t get the same attention or don’t get to see that person as often anymore. You have to sit and listen to everything they have to say even if it hurts you deep down inside but here is the trick… is it just jealousy or does it go deeper than that?

I have a constant need to feel loved. My down fall I guess. A lot has happened in my life and I need constant reminders that I am loved and that people need me and care for me. If people don’t need me, I can’t help and then a bit part of my soul and who I am does not get fed… Kind of like a plant that needs water to grow and survive… Because of this, I tend to feel threatened by people who seem to think they can take my place. People who think they deserve the same attention and affection that I worked years to get. That bugs me. That makes me see the grey and not the colour because I get discouraged.

Moral of my story: People have their own flaws. We have issues that run deeper than most people think and know and because of this, people might feel like its one emotion when it is actually deeper and more intense than that… Always remember that people feel the way they do for a reason. How we act and what we say affects people. So just be careful and maybe once in awhile, listen and take in what people say cause you never know what colour you could be taking away from them…

Ash

xxx

The rose

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

Started off as a little seed
barely breaking through the earth.
As the time passes, stems begin to grow
and soon after permanent roots form.

Seasons change and buds connect.
The summer sun allows flowers to blossom.
Fragrances fill the crisp air
and colours broaden the garden spectrum.

The flower brings in positivety.
Sometimes even looks like it is judging.
It is there to be a home to animals
and a voice of reason for lost souls.

Winter comes and takes it away.
Everything is just sad and morbid
BUT you have a picture of your rose in your mind.
I wish it was forever…frozen in time.

Protective

Image result for wrinkly hands holding young hands

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

Soft but wrinkly,
warm but shaky.
Lack of strength
yet full of love.

You held my hand
as tight as you could.
You’ll never let go you said.
Never, even if you should.

Protective

Yet willing to explore.
Allowing me to venture.
Travel far or near
You’ll be there for me.

Dear Brother

Image result for matric 2015

By: Ashlee Zlotnick

I sat by your cot
and watched you sleep.
I sat patiently watching,
you didn’t make a peep.

I was there before you smiled,
laughed and spoke.
I was even there
before your first chock.

Your first steps,fall,
cry and lie.
I was there long before
you started to question how and why.

Grade 1 was oh so hard.
The rest came like a gentle breeze.
Time stopped for no-one…
I’m not crying, I just sneezed.

Today you stand before me
all grown up, armed with your Bic.
Today you stand before me
as a brave 2015 Matric.

Fear

good evening everyone. Long time I know…

Great thoughts always branch off from someone once told me… So I think it’s time I share a thought that someone once told me

The greatest fear you will ever have is feeling completely safe with someone… Now how is that your greatest fear? Feeling safe with someone should not be a fear but should be something we cherish and is greatful for… Or am I wrong?

Turns out I am wrong. My biggest fear is being so happy and comfortable with someone else. What happens if that person leaves? Realizes you not all that and one day just goes and never comes back? This person doesn’t have to be a boyfriend or girlfriend. Can be a sister, brother, best friend…

We cannot let our fear of losing someone get the best of us because if we do then we will be stuck living our nightmare… A life without our rock or safety net.

Don’t let your fear of Being happy and safe ruin your happiness. Enjoy and cherish what you have because  you will regret it if you let go

Drained is an understatement

Good evening all you beautiful people…

I honestly have no idea how I have any energy left but the past few weeks have taught me a very valuable lesson I would like to share with you guys.

I have been studying to become a sports massage therapist. This is basically someone who treats muscles and muscle problems and disorders. We are the people that you get sent to when you have hurt yourself and need rehab for that muscle. Now you can imagine how much work and pain this course must be… 40 hours a week of hard, intense massage is what I have done for 3 weeks and I have the bruises and torn muscles to prove it. All of this pain is not my point of my story. Point of my story is as follows…

Through all the tears and pain and bruises, my passion and love for what I do grew even stronger. As I felt my muscle tear I began to realise that this is what I want to do with my life. I want to help treat people and make them ok again. I want to heal.

So for everyone out there who is struggling and have no idea why they do what they do, think of what make you fall in love with your work… what drove you and made you take this road?

Just remember that sometimes the bruises and pain is worth it..

Love

Ash

xxx

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