Posts Tagged ‘message from poet’

What is love?

What is love? Is it an emotion, an illness, a feeling, common? Love is hard to pin point and yet we cannot live without it!

Love is free falling off the edge of a cliff or jumping out of a plane without any gear. Love is overwhelming and confusing and takes over your life. Love is looking into someone’s eyes and not being able to look away. It’s worrying endlessly about them and their wellbeing and once you find out they ok, it’s yelling at the top of your lungs because they left you out in the cold all alone. 

Love is scary and uncontrollable. You cannot explain why you love someone or why you would die for them. What difference does it make if they go away for 3 weeks and you don’t get to see them or they open up to other people instead of you? Honestly, love makes you do all weird and wonderful things.

Love give you the ability to be vulnerable with someone. You know that they could break your heart at any given moment. They could leave you, replace you, find someone new and yet you ok with that because you believe that what you have is something special and cannot be replaced.

Love is a many splendid thing. Love is oxygen mixed with carbon dioxide. It’s yin and yang. If you don’t balance and trust, love can ruin you but at the same time, love can change you into the person that you are meant to become.

Love,

Ash

Xxx

Time for something new

Good evening my gorgeous viewers.

I have been battling at the moment with grounding myself and finding time to just breathe and be one with the world once again so…

I am adding an addition to my blog. It is called Meditation Corner. I will be posting stuff that will enlighten your life. Such as ways in which to breathe properly, surrounding yourself with good people and energy, detox waters and so on. Everything that will give you time out and help you and myself recenter our thoughts and feelings.

What do you guys think about my new addition?

Will be posting new material soon.

Love always,

Ash

Dear future me

I need to learn a thing or two. Help myself through the drought. It is as if I need to become immune, to what is going on around me.

I need to learn to let go. Understand that people won’t do for me what I do for them. I need to learn to say no and do a thing or two for myself instead.

It is time to become desensitized to the evil that surrounds my white light. Time for a change and something exciting and new to uplift my stale mood.

People will change and cancel your plans. I think it is because you are so forgiving and laid back. Get used to it because it happens a lot, even in work.

People tend to take their problems out on you. You have broad shoulders and tops that tend to absorb a lot of tears. This is what makes you a healer.

You cannot cry in front of people. They can’t stand to see the strong one fall apart. So wait until you home alone or under your sheets. Pull yourself together, it will be fine.

You the one that fixes everyone else. It is your talent in life. Only issue is… people don’t always seem to be able to fix you.

Life motto: Pick yourself up, Dust yourself off, start walking and count to 10.

Good luck!

All my love,

Me

Life goes on

Hello all my gorgeous viewers out there!

Life has been very hectic to say the least. I have been out of college for 5 months now and I still have not completely found my feet yet…

Business is not bad at the moment. Had a few glitches here and there but I am slowly getting back onto my feet.

My new venture of the month is writing professionally. I now write for companies all over the world which has given me a lot of experience and opened up doors for me that I did not even know was there.  So from now on when I write on my blog, I might be writing things just to test the waters and try new writing styles so please feel free to email me and ask me to write posts about stuff that you would like to read about it.

Life is hard my friends. We get knocked down and shot out of cannons and walked over like we are a piece of litter on the floor but the trick to it all is: Get yourself up, dust  yourself off, start walking and count to 10. This will help you calm down, clear your thoughts and allow you to move on and find the green grass.

Much love,

Ash

 

 

Could be the vodka talking or my sad, broken soul

Today, a milestone was taken away from me because people cannot be trusted. Even on paper they seem to promise things they never deliver. Dedicate 3 years of your life to a place and they will stab you in the back the second they get the chance. 

Being burnt so many times kinda makes you carry around a fire blanket or extinguisher. If I didn’t… Could you just imagine how much worse I would be? Never mind 3 degree burns, my soul would be ash and my heart will be hard as stone and cold as ice. 

I always wonder why hurtful things happen to people who try to do their best and be good people and help people along the way. I guess sometimes you just have to focus on you and maybe just maybe someone will come along and look after you for an hour or so… Doesn’t have to be a boyfriend or girlfriend. Nor a job or a friend but a something or someone to take the pain away and show you that it will be ok…

Sob story now over… It is time to make use of my new burn. Show the world that I don’t go down so easily. My heart might be breaking and my eyes might be dry as a desert but my heart is still beating and is still able to drive my body to victory. 

I have been burnt way too many times to trust people whole heartedly. It is time to do something for me and not worry what it will do to other people because end of the day the only thing you ever own is you name!

So own it. Stand up for it. Only you can drive your name forward in a positive light.

Think about it…

Ash

Xxx

A soul lost but not forgotten

It’s hard to talk about how you feel. It’s harder to accept how you feel. Worst of all, how do you figure out how you feel? You need to figure that out before you can accept and begin to deal with how you feel inorder for you to heal. 

2 weeks ago I got a phone call that made my blood turn cold and my skin turn white. It was so unexpected that I did not know how to react let alone cope. 24 year old. He was only 24 and lost the battle with addiction. How can something as small as a little pill be so powerful and life threatening? Small really is powerful. Molecules we can’t see with our naked eye, keeps us alive. So in essence, makes sense how something so small can dictate life…

What do you say to the family? I wish you long life, sorry for your loss, no regrets… How is that comforting? You walk behind this box that contains the family’s prize possession. Almost like the unique diamond that is owned by only one person or a painting without a duplicate. There is only one… Or so there was only one…

After the longest walk of their life, you arrive at a hole in the ground hoping that they don’t fall in or jump in after this precious box. THUMP THUMP THUMP. Your soul sinks into your shoes, tears roll down your face and your heart seems to break into thousands of pieces as you hear the father cry out in pain. Not a dry eye in site as family members confess their regrets out loud… I am sorry I failed you and was not able to help you in your time of need! 

Slowly but surely you walk away and as their cries get softer, your thoughts get louder. Only problem is you have no idea what your thoughts are. Are you happy that he is no longer suffering and having this constant battle in his life or are you sad and horrified by the whole event? How do you come back from this? How do you learn to cope? Are you so angry at the fact that he could be so selfish or was it an accident? These are all just questions… Questions you will never get the answers to. 

Time goes by so slowly and yet seems to fly. The pain takes long to go away however memories and voices seem to fade quickly. It all just does not make sense… How do you feel? How can you put into words your shock and disbelief? People come up and ask you so how you doing and and truth is you have got no idea! Because fact of the matter is you buried someone who meant something to you, and you do not believe that you should have done it in the first place! 

I am 21 years old. I have buried my best friend, and now a brother figure. That’s not right. And how does this all make me feel? When I figure it out I will let y all know. How to you cope and move on from it all? You don’t move on, you don’t forget, you learn to live with the pain and giant gap where he used to stand. 

He is a soul that has been lost but not forgotten. 

Please guys, addiction is a serious problem that can have and does have effects on everyone around you. Get help before it’s too late. It does not make you weak in anyway, makes you strong and brave. Admitting You have a problem and need help is the first step. There will always be people around to love and support you. 

Take what I am saying to heart,

Ash

Jealousy or does it go deeper than that?

Dear fellow viewers…

Life is hard and frankly it sucks! So many negative people and negative feelings and events, that it’s starting to make the world look grey and colourless.

I have always been the type of person to find the good. Try find the colour in every storm but lately it seems to get a lot harder every event. People seem to be losing their inner sunshine and that has become a real downer on the people like myself who try hard to be positive. Eventually it starts to drain you to the point whereby you stop seeing the colour and all you see is the grey and that is very scary for me.

See events happen and that can make you feel jealous. Like you don’t get the same attention or don’t get to see that person as often anymore. You have to sit and listen to everything they have to say even if it hurts you deep down inside but here is the trick… is it just jealousy or does it go deeper than that?

I have a constant need to feel loved. My down fall I guess. A lot has happened in my life and I need constant reminders that I am loved and that people need me and care for me. If people don’t need me, I can’t help and then a bit part of my soul and who I am does not get fed… Kind of like a plant that needs water to grow and survive… Because of this, I tend to feel threatened by people who seem to think they can take my place. People who think they deserve the same attention and affection that I worked years to get. That bugs me. That makes me see the grey and not the colour because I get discouraged.

Moral of my story: People have their own flaws. We have issues that run deeper than most people think and know and because of this, people might feel like its one emotion when it is actually deeper and more intense than that… Always remember that people feel the way they do for a reason. How we act and what we say affects people. So just be careful and maybe once in awhile, listen and take in what people say cause you never know what colour you could be taking away from them…

Ash

xxx

Scrambled eggs… as thoughts

Hello all my gorgeous viewers and welcome to the amazing world called my brain…

Ok, so it is not that amazing but hey, I got your attention. Right time to get down to business… I finish my diploma in 2 weeks. I cannot really say that out loud because my household or close people don’t really seem to want to talk about it. They try to, they will bring up next year or what am I going to do to celebrate but no-one really seems to want to talk about the now. How am I feeling now, what am I going to do now? The answer… I have no idea.

Next: You know that allowing little green thing that pops into your life every once in awhile at the most annoying times? The time whereby you really do not need him. Yes we all know that hated feeling called jealousy. Not much to say really except for the fact that when you tend to feel insecure about something, the green monster shines brighter than the Nelson Mandela bridge. It is as if he has been practicing his whole life for this one moment… “Ok I am ready… To make life complicated and moments horrible and awkward” That is exactly what it feels like. And then loan-behold you are stuck in this moment trying not to hurt anyone’s feelings but the truth of the matter is, you are sick and tired of having to share what is yours. Barney isn’t always right… surely?

Ladies and gentleman my solution to all this… drown myself is work. Always fixes stuff for me. Just focus on something else. The art of distraction as they say… But truth of it all, you cannot keep running. Sometimes you need to face this green monster and allow your own inner monster to shine even brighter… So no more running or trying to hide…

I am finishing in 2 weeks and I am scared as hell however I have worked really hard the past 3 years and I deserve to be finished. I feel proud and like I have conquered this giant hill called college. Moving on to bigger and better things…

Hope you all have an amazing week filled with accomplishments and life changing thoughts.

Ash

xxx

Everyone has a breaking point

Good evening all you gorgeous viewers…

Time to get serious: Life is hard at the best of times. Work and studying and just everything in general. Makes life a complete challenge… a challenge we all believe that we don’t need at times. Sometimes it would just be nice if everything went smoothly and without issues but then we get hit with yet another curve ball… pressure

Too little pressure, you not motivated enough, too much pressure you tend to find your breaking point very fast. I found mine not so long ago… I have been pushed to my limit and at times, it feels like I have been pushed off the edge. I need to get good marks, be a good sister, be a good girlfriend, be a good friend.. be a good thing and that and the list just does not end… And then another curve ball comes me way… Sit back and accept.

Now for those of you who know me and my writing will know that I am a very patient person when it comes to people. Well people I like. Lately I have had to accept a lot. I finish this year, my brother finishes this year, I have lost yet another group of friends, I probably won’t be friends with many people from college, I have to start thinking about an adult future… That is a lot to accept, And then I get asked to sit back and accept being left out. Now I am a very stubborn, hardheaded person. Once you put an idea in my head, it takes a lot to remove it. Once I fight with someone over something, I will very seldom go towards the thing that makes me fight. Just feels like a bad vibe with bad energies around it. Doesn’t that makes sense? You fight over it so surely there is something negative around it… I hope you did not think that was the last curve ball cause now you see, you have to juggle. I want tricks, and flips and you are not allowed to drop a ball… Bingo… Breaking point

Handling one at a time is very easy. I can do it in my sleep. Juggling I am also good at. My life is balanced. I find time for everyone. Its my super power. But you see, problem comes in when I’m juggling and it feels like one ball is too heavy and my arms get sore and I miss the catch. I do tend to break… Smash a mirror enough times and it will shatter. That’s what has happened to me. I have shattered. I am no longer juggling because I am tired. I am tired of just accepting, I am tired of pressure and I am tired. Everyone has a breaking point. Everyone can ask for something, even if it is selfish… The juggler gets a chance too.

But I am the juggler, the fixer, the doer. So I will pick up all my balls, take a deep breath and juggle yet again…

Till next time

Ash

The beginning of the end

To all my gorgeous viewers… I want to say thank you

Thank you for listening to all my sob stories and for allowing me this opportunity to voice my opinion.

I am standing at the door waiting to open it up to my new life. No more school or college or teachers. No more studying or headaches before results come out. I now stand before the door waiting to join the big leagues and guess what….

I am beyond scared! But at the same time I am very excited. So here is to my last set of exams, more time to post all my new stuff. Just by the way, I have been working on a lot of new material so I will post and share with you all very soon!

Have an explosive night…

Ash

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