Posts Tagged ‘pain’

Drained is an understatement

Good evening all you beautiful people…

I honestly have no idea how I have any energy left but the past few weeks have taught me a very valuable lesson I would like to share with you guys.

I have been studying to become a sports massage therapist. This is basically someone who treats muscles and muscle problems and disorders. We are the people that you get sent to when you have hurt yourself and need rehab for that muscle. Now you can imagine how much work and pain this course must be… 40 hours a week of hard, intense massage is what I have done for 3 weeks and I have the bruises and torn muscles to prove it. All of this pain is not my point of my story. Point of my story is as follows…

Through all the tears and pain and bruises, my passion and love for what I do grew even stronger. As I felt my muscle tear I began to realise that this is what I want to do with my life. I want to help treat people and make them ok again. I want to heal.

So for everyone out there who is struggling and have no idea why they do what they do, think of what make you fall in love with your work… what drove you and made you take this road?

Just remember that sometimes the bruises and pain is worth it..

Love

Ash

xxx

Best day ever!

Good evening all my awesome viewers

So lately I have been going through hell! I am not able to post about the details as I am not ready to share it with everyone but what I can tell you I will.
Long story short I have got to lose two people who are very close to me in order to stand by my father. Tough stuff wouldn’t you say! You see I am stuck in a very tight spot. I feel like I am unable to breathe and I am not able to move and think. First time ever my mind is completely blank. This is very scary for me! I am not sure what the right thing is but I do know that family is for life and I need to do what is best for my father… even if it means I have to lose something near and dear to my heart.

I have always said I am an older sister before anything else. What I am going through now will teach me a life lesson that I will be able to tell my little siblings about. All the wrong paths I have gone down has led to heartache and a lot of tears. If I can stop them from going down the same road, I am going to! Even if it means that I have to burst their bubble in order to protect them. Having said that, I also need to learn that they need to learn somethings on their own. If I prevent heartbreak and tears, they will never know what it feels like. Sometimes I just have to sit back and wait a little bit for them to think for themselves BUT I will never let them get in so deep that they cannot get out or that they get torn to pieces! If I can soften the blow, I am going to. The heart wants what the hearts wants and no-one can tell it otherwise.

Back to today. Because of my issue, I have been very down and upset. I cried for most of the night and I am just not me at the moment. I got home from college today and as I walked into my room, my Lil Sis surprised me. She was really there! The one person I needed a hug from was actually standing there in my room. Was amazing to see her. My Shmoobear was the mastermind behind this plan of theirs. She is an astonishing person and the two of them make me honored to be thier sister. They got all the foods that make me feel better but truth is: all I needed was them. Having the two of them there for me means the world to me and made me realise how lucky I really am. These girls love me so much that they planned for 9 hours to cheer me up. Today has been the best day ever!

I love them more than life itself and I will do anything for them! I do not need anything or anyone else in my life. I have amazing parents, grandparents and 3 mind-blowing younger siblings.

Life is hard but I am blessed with an amazing support system! Love you guys so much!
Love
Me
xxx

21 months

Today 21 months ago Ryan was killed. Scary to think how much time has passed since then and how much has happened.

I am at the stage of my life where 1 set of exams are all I need to over come before I can enter the big bad world of working and college. Ryan was not given the chance to be in my position and this thought saddens me a lot. To think that he spent his whole life in school and never got the chance to see if he would make it out there in the ugly juggle we all call reality and life, brings tears to my eyes.

Every chance I get to honor his memory I do. At my Matric dance, I danced for him. My first day of Matric, I went to our room and I just sat there and thought of what it would be like if he was with us all today. Before I write my finals, I will go to our room at school for one of the last times and I will sit there, cry and remember… I will remember how he used to scare me in the morning but I could not get mad because he would flash me one of his smiles. I will remember the day we hid in the girls’ bathroom and we heard someone coming so my friends and I just left Ryan there on his own to fend for himself. I will shed a tear for every tear he wiped of mine and I will smile knowing he is looking down at me smiling whilst his big blue eyes tell me everything is going to be ok I just need to hang in there.

21 months have passed and yet I can still picture his so clearly and as I do I get all choked up and shed a tear or cry a river because even though time has passed my wounds still feel fresh and still sting.

Ryan, you were my boyfriend, you were my first aid partner and most importantly, you were my best friend and rock.

I love you and miss you so much it hurts.

Love

Ash