Posts Tagged ‘school’

Road trip

images
By: Ashlee Zlotnick

A couple of miles down the road
I stop to take a look…
I suddenly begin to realise
what chapters are removed and added to my book.

12 years went by fast
but was fun the say the least.
Only difference is now
I’m the only one left at this feast.

I’m alone in this corner now.
Not one of you stood by me.
All that’s left is a memory
or two… maybe three.

But then I open my eyes
and begin to really see.
Not one of you were really there…
at least not for me.

That’s ok I guess.
You weren’t meant to be on my trip.
I’m going uphill now!
I hope you all enjoy your downhill dip

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I am back!

Good evening all my gorgeous viewers!

I am sorry I have not posted but I have been away and took a break from my laptop but I have still been writing and I will post my poems soon but tonight it is time to fill you all in and maybe you can learn a thing or two from my mistakes.

Firstly: I am very proud of my Shmoobear and her other half as they have both been asked to join a hip hop group that will compete in a contest to go to Germany. Pretty cool stuff so I am very proud of them! Also, my little sister passed matric with flying colours and I am very proud of her. She worked her ass off and got the marks that she deserves and I have all the faith in her that she will do even better this year in University. As for my brother, his marks were also very good and I;m proud of him too. I finished first year with 8 distinctions so got nothing to complain about there. Hard work and dedication gets you places in life, you just need to push through the mud to get to the waterfall.

I have always told everyone to take every opportunity that comes their way. Whether it be a relationship, job offer or anything that will benefit your life. Even if it is for a few months… Having said that, there are times in life where you just can’t take it. The bad outweighs the good and it is just not worth losing what you will lose to get a year or two in some other place. Sometimes, not taking it is what will work better for you. It is all a balancing act and you just got to know when to let go of the opportunity and when to hold on no matter what. No need to regret anything because you will gain something better or sustain something that means the world to you.

This holiday, I have had a lot of thinking time. I have thought about all my options, where I want to be, where I want to go and who I want to go there with. My conclusion: my family is my life! They mean more to me than anything. My studies is where I need to be in terms of a job someday. Making people feel better and good about themselves makes me happy. Nothing better than a smile on your face and a fuzzy feeling in your heart but what makes it better is when it is placed there because you have made someone’s day better. I know where everyone says I should be is wrong because I know where I NEED to be and it is right here!

I can’t change who I am. I am as stubborn as they come and I make people angry with me at times because I tell things how they are. I am a Taurus, sorry:P BUT I will never be sorry for protecting my family and I will never be sorry for my paths I chose because at the end of the day, it has made me who I am today. So yes you can use my past against me but I don’t care. My past has made me realise who I don’t want to be! and who I can and can’t mix with. I am who I am and I am proud of it

Be proud of who you are! because you are the only person in the world who can be you…

Have a great year guys and thank you for sticking with me
Much Love
Ash
xxx

A third of the way there

Hey guys

I know I have not written in a really long time. Truth is I was not ready to write this post let alone think about what it really means. I have finished first year! A year ago I was writing about how I cannot believe I have finished school and how scared yet excited I was to go through to the next stage in my life… now here I am! I am a third of the way up this mountain that is stopping me from going out there to conquer my career.

I have never been the type of person to concentrate on a career but rather concentrate on what the career can do for people. I am studying a path that will allow me to better people in a way that everyone loves. I pamper people and at the same time, I use my pamper skills to make them feel better about themselves and boost their confidence. I was working at a big corporate office the other day and everyone told me that I am good at what I do and I should be doing physiotherapy because my hands are so strong. Right, I am happy people are looking out for me but I know where I need to be and what I need to do with my life in order to reach my full potential and help people at the same time. I might be going into an aspect of medicine but not what everyone thinks so we will see. I will keep you all posted with that.

There was a point where I was not sure that this is where I need to be but then this lady came up to me and told me that she has requested that I massage her and do her make-up from now on. Was an amazing moment for me and that is when I realized that where I am is where I need to be. Nowadays, I have spas calling me and asking me to come work for them as they have heard about me and want me. For a first year, it is an amazing accomplishment and I am really proud of myself. Having said that, I now have a reputation that I need to uphold and that is scaring me like you guys have no idea. I get my report tomorrow and I know that I have passed but I am scared that I don’t live up to everyone’s expectations and standards. Even the examiners were treating me differently to everyone else because of what they have heard about me. So it is not that I doubt myself in any shape or form! I just need to meet their expectations and I don’t want to disappoint anyone that is all.

On the upside, I have found a bunch of friends that share a common interest and goal with me. It is an amazing feeling to know that there are other weridos out there just like me in terms of education and where they want to go with their lives… 4 years ago, I had an idea of how this day would be like: I would be applying for cruise ships and all over seas work. Earn in dollars and travel the world, not much to complain about! Would have been a once in a life time but my life is not what it used to be. My mind is not set on the money and all the material things although this is an amazing industry to be in! I just cannot see myself leaving my loved ones for up to a year at a time. I would far rather stay here and work my way up and build a reputation here than to miss out on my siblings growing up and my grandparents. Life is short and you have to live each day as if it is your last so that is what I am doing. I know what is important and what isn’t and for me, family is everything.

Goals change and ideas change but a priority stays…

People change

Hey guys

For those of you who follow my blog will know that I am a fan of change. I feel that it is important for things to grow and in order to grow, they need to change. I have been out of school for a year next week Friday and so much has changed since then it is scary! I can handle change but some things I honestly thought would never change…

When I got into High school, Timor made me do something that changed the way I thought about my future. If it wasn’t for her, I would never have done first aid or looked at going into Medical school or do some form of medicine. She pushed me to do something and because of her, I realised how much I enjoy learning about the body and how it functions. I have had lots of fun, sweat and tears because of first aid and even though people tried to bring me down because I was the only girl doing it, I tried to follow in Timor’s footsteps and be the best first aider I could be. I did not get what I wanted at the end because some people did not believe I could do it and it hurt me a lot BUT I left that school with my head held high and I have this inner fire that gives me the drive and determination I need to prove them all wrong! To date, my marks for anatomy are one of the highest and I am nowhere close to reaching my full potential. So thank you Timor for showing me what I can do and for believing in me that I can do it.

I had a bit of a rocky patch in my life and I turned my life around. It is because of that I began to see the change in people and began to believe that people can change for the better however your past still has a hold on you sometimes. Sometimes the past you comes out for a bit and that is when you realise that people cannot always change. They wear a mask that hides who they really are or hides behind technology because it is easier than facing people. People from my past are still in my life but I don’t do what I used to do anymore. So I have changed for the better but there are times when the old me wants to come out and I have to learn to control it.

Next: Friends… I can very easily say that I have lost 75% of my school friends in the past year. When I got to high school, I changed groups and lost that entire group due to in house politics. I then moved on to other friends, friends that have been in my life since I was born and nursery school. My very best friend told me that we would be there for each other no matter what and we made all these plans to meet for lunch in between uni and college and that we would see each other a lot. She went on holiday to Israel and came back a totally different person and now, I haven’t spoken to her at all! No lunch dates, no partying, nothing and today I found out that my old group got together this past weekend and didn’t invite me. Feeling the love…NOT! I guess there is nothing I can do. People change and move on, guess it is my chance to move on.

My family members have changed to. My little brother is no longer little and he is talking about applying to University and driving and all of that. Shmoobear has turned into your typical teenager. The attitude with the naughty look but still has her cute look to get her out of serious trouble. Then there is my lil sis… I don’t know where to start. Matric makes people change in ways they never thought they would. It is as if matric is a bug that gets into your system and changes things without you knowing. Makes you grow up and want to experience things with every aspect of life. It gets you ready for what lies ahead and I know that she can handle it and get through it and I know she is always going to be my little sister. Just got accept that they are all growing up and so am I.

Moral of all of this is: We don’t really know what is forever in terms of friends and what is going to be right now. You have to just enjoy every second you get with people and realise that family is forever and that people come in your life to change something. Might be the way you think about your future or turning you into the best sister you can be but you also need to remember that some parts of people cannot change. Br careful of the masks people wear and sometimes people say things or don’t say things to protect you.

Ash
xxx

Things change

So this is my blog post about accepting my new life…

Right here we go: 13 years ago I went to nursery school. Was one of the scariest days of my life. I had to let go of my mommy’s hand and fend for myself in the evil world of socialising and making my own friends. I was not alone though… just as I was trying to hide in the tree house, a little girl was trying to hide too. So we hid and was anti-social together. Soon after that we had our first play date and soon after that we spent every day together.

I was there when her siblings were born and when her brother was rushed to hospital because he cut his head open on a fireman’s pole. Was funny after I wont lie but during we were both scared because they were my siblings too and there was blood everywhere and wasn’t a very pretty site.

We went through school together. Junior school was interesting. Our school was a bit bigger but we still found time for our stuff. When we were in a naughty mood, we would go behind the forbidden wall and tell each other secrets. She was the first person I turned to in my time of need or when something happened. She was there when my Pa died and was one of my only friends who knew him. Mind you, she was one of the only ones he liked.

Moving on… Primary school came and we lost touch for about a month or two. Was horrible. I thought I lost my best friend but then she came back and we were inseparable again. I went through a stage in my life that I kept from her because I knew how she would feel about it. She knew the real me and believed in me. We lost touch again because I began to get in too deep and she became unknown to me. I couldn’t read her and that scared me a lot but I stayed in touch with her mom and made sure she was ok and when she was sick I would show up with a pizza or card or just be there for her.

High school came along and we became friends again and then back to best friends. With us, we always used to go back to where we left off. It is as if we were never apart. Felt good to have her back in my life and I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t lose her as a friend again because it was too painful. Up until this point, we never ever missed a birthday party of each others. One year I was violently ill but I still went to my party because I couldn’t break that tradition. I slept most of the party but that is not the point.

We had our morning rituals and still told secrets except now they were about boys instead of silk worms and dreams and goals instead of what’s for lunch. We used to sit in my room and just talk about everything and when she was going through a hard time or in hospital I was the one who was there! With my pizza and lame jokes to try make her laugh. Grade 11 and 12 we were in the same class for a subject and she designed my tattoo and we spoke about what comes after school and how we were going to keep us going. Sounded like hard work but I thought it was worth it.

December came and my lil sis wasn’t here but my BFF was. When I had a full on freak out, she was there freaking out with me to make me feel better… Then Dec came and went and she went away and when she got back, we fell apart. Plain and simple. I tried to put our plan into action but never worked and here I am, 9 nearly 10 months out of school and we missed each other’s birthdays. Not even a year has gone by and she missed mine and I have no idea if I have missed hers. Sad hey? To think that a 13 year relationship can crumble just because of location and a little bit of thought and effort is needed to stay afloat.

See this is when society and me don’t get along… Surely if someone means a lot to you, you will put in some effort and try make it work. It is not easy trust me and I know that sometimes you feel like you losing it and you tired but a few months ago, that person was your best friend and now what is she? Your ex best friend? Doesn’t work for me. If you don’t want the friendship, fine but you need to say so. You need to explain why you so bloody lazy and cannot pick up the phone once a week to ask how are you? Want to have coffee sometime… See it is not so hard. You just need to put in some effort! Technology has made our lives easy. You can BBM someone very quickly and easily or Whatsapp them. No effort needed just 5 seconds to send a message.

After some time, a person’s hand is going to get tired of waiting for you to grab it and they will eventually stop waiting… So here is my advice for all of you: Call your best friend once in a while. Let them know that you care and that they mean something to you. We all have feelings and we all need a hug every now and again so share the love guys. Friends are there when you can’t turn to your family and often your friends are your family.

I can’t say that you all are going to stay friends forever but I can tell you that effort and letting them know how much they mean to you and how much you appreciate them, will make them keep their arm out a little bit longer when you let go for whatever reason. Some of us will never let go…

Ash
xxx

Time flies by

time flys
By: Ashlee Zlotnick

8 months in.
4 weeks to go.
Time flies by
when you trying to lay low.

I’ve made new friends
and lost a few too.
People grow a part.
There is nothing you can do.

I’m surrounded by new people.
People who share my interest.
Sometimes I feel as if
I’m in a room filled of mist.

I do miss school.
I miss my little walks.
Truth is I miss my grade
and my sister’s and my talks.

But the important people stayed
and our relationships still grow.
I love them more and more
and my moral of this story goes like so…

Time waits for no-one.
Relationships are a two way street.
You need to enjoy every day you have.
Try hard even when there is heat.
And NEVER give up on someone you love

Need a place to belong

Hey guys. Here is a thought that has been lingering around my head for weeks now and it is time that I put it out there.

My whole school career I always had my space. It just gave me a sense of belonging. A place to go to catch my breath and to get away for 5 minutes just to recharge and to gather my thoughts.
hours
Nursery school, I used to sit in our tree house and watch the people go by as I counted to ten to calm myself down otherwise I would have bitten more than one child during nursery school.

Junior school, my best friend and I found a bench behind all the classrooms. We would go there when we were sad because we were surrounded by pretty flowers and there were no boys who were trying to kiss us. Ok, so we both had boyfriends but we needed time outs so we would go there. We would talk about our dreams and so on. I wanted to be a dustbin lady at that age. The thought of driving and making my mom run behind the truck used to kill me. Sounded perfect.

Primary school came along and my rebel stage began. We bunched class and hid in the Blind Spot. The older we got, the more professional our hiding spots got and all the people who used to bunk, would write their names on the wall. I think my name is still there.

Then high school hit and my room was created. One day my best friend and I were bunking and the student leaders were walking in and out of the bathrooms so our usual spot was compromised and we ran into a storage looking room. Ever since that day, it became our room. When he died it became my room and now its my lil sis and my room.

We became so pro at bunking. There were a bunch of us who used to bunk and we had our own bathroom stall to run into when we needed to hide. We used to draw and write on the walls and make it our own. We were so proud of our Goth Tinkerbell. Took us 4 hours!!! We bunked an assembly to do that piece of art and now it is gone(sad face)

As I got older and more involved with my marks and I actually started to care about my future, I would bunk less but I still used to go to my room during breaks or before class just to gather my thoughts and to block people out so that I could figure out what I wanted and not what my friends and teachers wanted.

Now I am at college and it’s not that I want to bunk classes that I don’t like because I am doing things I want to do but I need my space. I need to feel like I belong somewhere in this college besides for the classrooms.

My car has become my thinking space. My time to spend just with my little sister.(yes on bbm but still) But I still need my something. I feel like I am missing a room or a garden chair but I am missing something.

I know I will find or maybe I have already found it… Truth is there is not one person in my life that I can replace. My sense of belonging comes in when my heart feels at home and in a place where it belongs. My place where I belong is with my family. My parents, 3 siblings and my grandparents. Yes my cousins too but I don’t need anything else and I am searching or was searching for something that I already have.

I am right where I need and want to be. College is a place whereby my career is going to start but not end. My heart has come from my family and it will continue to grow and love for as long as I have my family in my life.

Something to reflect on your life…

Ash
xxx

My eyes are wide open now

Hey guys

So my college took over my life for a bit but now I am back and have I got news for you…

So I seem to be getting good at this treatment giving thing. I mean, I have been chosen to work at the annual ProBeauty which is this huge convention whereby all the big brands in our beauty industry put on a show and they show off all their new products and have big sales and I am just so excited to be going there! Not only am I working there but I get to go with my lil sis and my mom as well. So it is going to be lots of fun.

Last week I was very self centred and I did not like it one bit. I put the wrong people first and that did not make me feel very nice… My lil sis decided to turn 18 and get her learners all in a space of a few days. My poor heart cannot handle so much growing up at once but I am very proud of her and she has become an astonishing woman and I am very proud to call her my little sister.

Speaking of sisters, my older two have now got a new little sister and I felt very replaced today when I saw them. I love them a lot but today I felt like I did not really know them because this other chic was going on about how she knows this and that and I’m like oh that is nice… never knew that. Anyway, it really is ok but my eyes are now open to what is important to me in my life at the moment. They still there for me and I promise you all right now that if I had to call them to come and fetch me, they really would.

My school best friend and I don’t talk at all anymore and I am ok with that to an extent. I knew this was coming deep down but I did not want it to happen. Everything happens for a reason and I believe in this 100% People come and go and a few stay. The ones that stay are the ones that will be there when you need them during the bad times not only the good. My family are the people that I need in my life and the rest can come and go. Sometimes I feel as if I am a railway station and trains come and go with new and old people but there are those few who are there always and that is all that I need in my life.

I have been out of school for 8 months now and I am starting a business and working for other people but that doesn’t satisfy me completely. What puts a smile on my face and makes me feel whole is coming home to a family that loves me and going to my lil sis and watching how excited she gets when she gets to paint my nails or plat my hair. Things like that is what makes my life worth living! Not money or how big my room is. Its my family and making people happy and that makes me very proud to be me.

My Pa always used to tell me ” At the end of the day all you really have is your name” Now this is something that he always told me and that is something that I keep with me to this day. At the end of the day, I want to think of me and say that I was good at my job because I made them happy and I want my 3 siblings to think of the good times we have and that when they needed me, I was always there. This is what is important to me and if you not ok with that, well then I am sorry but money means nothing if you don’t have someone to go shopping with.

Have a great weekend
Ash
xxx

Mom in school uniform and I am all grown up…

Hey guys

Been awhile I know and I am sorry but truth is I just have not had the brain to write lately. I am not sure why. I guess I just have not had the inspiration to write or the courage to show myself how I was or am really feeling.

About five minutes ago my mother came to me and asked me for my school uniform because they are all going to work in school uniforms. My heart got flooded with about a thousand emotions. I have not warn my school uniform since the last exam I wrote in school uniform which was the 21st of November 2012. HOW SCARY IS THAT???? Anyway back to my heart. The thought of her in my uniform and me not in it is actually making me sad. I hung up my uniform last year and I have now got a new one which I will be wearing for the rest of my life. Well the style of it anyway. So as I place my matric jersey on, I get flooded with memories. stories, tears I shared, tears I caused and of course my roots. Took me 12 years to get that jersey and it took forever to get it but was taken from me quickly. I now see the new matrics in their jerseys and I cannot help but smile because I know what it feels like to wear it. Gives you a sense of pride and achievement. So for the first time this year my uniform will be warn tomorrow but not by me…

College is very hard at the moment. I am loving it very much and the challenge is fun but I guess I am just missing being little. I miss my school friends chilling by our table, laughing or walking around in a circle for no reason. I miss my Friday songs that we would write and picking flowers to rip apart in front of my little sister. I miss her hugs every morning and her smile when I am down. I spoke to an old class mate today. She was saying how weird it is not being in each other’s pockets and knowing every little detail. She said something that we just need to get used to this new life of ours and deal with the loss of some friendships. I don’t talk to most people from my school year and when I see them in a shop, we talk as if we never left. And then it hits me

No matter how much time my grade spends apart, we will always be Matric 2012! We will always have a tie to each other and we can still talk as if we were back in the same class. Truth of the matter is no matter how far apart we are or how old we get, we will always have the same roots and always be a Davidian. I am now just adding on to who I am. I am a health and skin care specialist in training and loving every moment. Still have the clicks in college and the bitches and nerds. I still love to party and I am still the person everyone turns to when they need a quick answer or someone to listen to them. Difference is: Instead of me hugging my sister in the morning, I bbm her and sit in my car whilst listening to our Torch. People know not to bug me in the morning when I am in my car because it is my time with my sister. I don’t get to see my school friends as much anymore but we get together as often as possible and we get to catch up and learn new things and get to hear how their lives are. When I am with them, feels like we still in school because we can still talk rubbish and they all comment the same way that they used to.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the paths I have chosen and how they have effected my life. I have been saying the what if’s and if I chose this instead of that where would I be right now? Truth is I would not change a thing! I am a big sister to three amazing little siblings and they will always be little in my eyes. The paths I have chosen have allowed me to advise them on the do’s and don’ts because I have been down the wrong path and I have given into peer pressure and so on. I do not regret anything in my life and I know I can only get stronger.

So as my mom get’s into my school uniform, I will be getting into my college uniform and as weird and sad as it is, at least the uniform that got me through hell and gave me my sister, it can have one last journey.

Ash
xxx

Been hit by a ton of bricks

Hey guys

So I have just come home from an exam and the last time I wrote a post with the same topic, I was in school and now I am in college. Lets have a flashback shall we…

Last year I was in matric. One of the most intense years of my life and the hardest year or high school(sorry lil sis) but it is true. Matric was hard not because of work but because I had to be ok with leaving people behind. I am still not ok with that but nothing I can do about that. I used to walk around in circles, have lunch in the same spot everyday unless I was in my room which I miss like you have no idea! and of course I used to have moments with people. I left behind memories and land marks that will be there for the rest of my life. Exams were pretty chilled. I never stressed for them. Half way through the exam I would watch the children playing on the field and remember when I was that small. We used to play tag and Gaga Ball. Fun times. And as I was writing I would begin to smile because I was now watching children go through the amazing times I went through. Where I wrote finals, there was an area on top of the hall where my lil sis and I met and begin to talk. That thought got me through finals because I knew I was in the land mark that made my life amazing and that is where I found my torch, soul sister, other half and my muse. But I am no longer writing finals and I am no longer in that hall where I feel safe and I feel love.

Lucky for me, I am now writing in a room where I freeze my fingers off, get shouted at for having my lip ice on the table and a room where I have no memories or life changing moments in it… YET! I still sit at the back and have a window by my desk except now I am looking at a dying tree and the roof of the teacher’s office. Nice view right. Wait it gets better. I have a woman who watches my every move. When she walked in and started to scream I felt better for some weird reason. You see, during matric exams, there was a chic who stood on the stage and shouted and dictated. College exams started to feel like matric finals and I felt better. We got answer booklets and the nerves filled the room and I smiled. And then a change happened… I finished the exam before I looked out the window or even the watch. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I actually care about the exam bit now! Since when do I care about marks??? ME! The one who studys the night before or the morning of( I still do that) but today I finished before I stopped to think about anything. Then my one finger began to itch and I realised who and why I care now. I don’t want to let people down. This career of mine is my passion and I want to do this for the rest of my life and my muse believes in me so I can’t let her down. I will try my best not to anyway.

Without even realising it I began to write a poem at the end of my exam question paper. I am still me:D I just care about marks a bit more now. In stead of seeing my lil sis after my exam, I bbmed her( Thank G-D for technology that is all I am saying) No it is not the same but she is still there. After school they all say that you learn who will be there for life and who was there just because you were in the same area or class as them. Turns out they right! As sad and scary as it is, people show their true colours after school. Now is the time where you have to make the effort to see each other because you are no longer in the same room.

The room is different, my mind set is different and the subjects are different but the one thing that is the same is the one person who has always been there. Today during my exam I realised how much my little sister means to me and how lucky I am to have her in my life. I may not see her as often as I did but she is the most important person in my life. She is my other half and that will never change!!!

So that is my teary story for the day. Have a good day guys

Love
Ash
xxx

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