Posts Tagged ‘sister’

Mom in school uniform and I am all grown up…

Hey guys

Been awhile I know and I am sorry but truth is I just have not had the brain to write lately. I am not sure why. I guess I just have not had the inspiration to write or the courage to show myself how I was or am really feeling.

About five minutes ago my mother came to me and asked me for my school uniform because they are all going to work in school uniforms. My heart got flooded with about a thousand emotions. I have not warn my school uniform since the last exam I wrote in school uniform which was the 21st of November 2012. HOW SCARY IS THAT???? Anyway back to my heart. The thought of her in my uniform and me not in it is actually making me sad. I hung up my uniform last year and I have now got a new one which I will be wearing for the rest of my life. Well the style of it anyway. So as I place my matric jersey on, I get flooded with memories. stories, tears I shared, tears I caused and of course my roots. Took me 12 years to get that jersey and it took forever to get it but was taken from me quickly. I now see the new matrics in their jerseys and I cannot help but smile because I know what it feels like to wear it. Gives you a sense of pride and achievement. So for the first time this year my uniform will be warn tomorrow but not by me…

College is very hard at the moment. I am loving it very much and the challenge is fun but I guess I am just missing being little. I miss my school friends chilling by our table, laughing or walking around in a circle for no reason. I miss my Friday songs that we would write and picking flowers to rip apart in front of my little sister. I miss her hugs every morning and her smile when I am down. I spoke to an old class mate today. She was saying how weird it is not being in each other’s pockets and knowing every little detail. She said something that we just need to get used to this new life of ours and deal with the loss of some friendships. I don’t talk to most people from my school year and when I see them in a shop, we talk as if we never left. And then it hits me

No matter how much time my grade spends apart, we will always be Matric 2012! We will always have a tie to each other and we can still talk as if we were back in the same class. Truth of the matter is no matter how far apart we are or how old we get, we will always have the same roots and always be a Davidian. I am now just adding on to who I am. I am a health and skin care specialist in training and loving every moment. Still have the clicks in college and the bitches and nerds. I still love to party and I am still the person everyone turns to when they need a quick answer or someone to listen to them. Difference is: Instead of me hugging my sister in the morning, I bbm her and sit in my car whilst listening to our Torch. People know not to bug me in the morning when I am in my car because it is my time with my sister. I don’t get to see my school friends as much anymore but we get together as often as possible and we get to catch up and learn new things and get to hear how their lives are. When I am with them, feels like we still in school because we can still talk rubbish and they all comment the same way that they used to.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the paths I have chosen and how they have effected my life. I have been saying the what if’s and if I chose this instead of that where would I be right now? Truth is I would not change a thing! I am a big sister to three amazing little siblings and they will always be little in my eyes. The paths I have chosen have allowed me to advise them on the do’s and don’ts because I have been down the wrong path and I have given into peer pressure and so on. I do not regret anything in my life and I know I can only get stronger.

So as my mom get’s into my school uniform, I will be getting into my college uniform and as weird and sad as it is, at least the uniform that got me through hell and gave me my sister, it can have one last journey.

Ash
xxx

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Been hit by a ton of bricks

Hey guys

So I have just come home from an exam and the last time I wrote a post with the same topic, I was in school and now I am in college. Lets have a flashback shall we…

Last year I was in matric. One of the most intense years of my life and the hardest year or high school(sorry lil sis) but it is true. Matric was hard not because of work but because I had to be ok with leaving people behind. I am still not ok with that but nothing I can do about that. I used to walk around in circles, have lunch in the same spot everyday unless I was in my room which I miss like you have no idea! and of course I used to have moments with people. I left behind memories and land marks that will be there for the rest of my life. Exams were pretty chilled. I never stressed for them. Half way through the exam I would watch the children playing on the field and remember when I was that small. We used to play tag and Gaga Ball. Fun times. And as I was writing I would begin to smile because I was now watching children go through the amazing times I went through. Where I wrote finals, there was an area on top of the hall where my lil sis and I met and begin to talk. That thought got me through finals because I knew I was in the land mark that made my life amazing and that is where I found my torch, soul sister, other half and my muse. But I am no longer writing finals and I am no longer in that hall where I feel safe and I feel love.

Lucky for me, I am now writing in a room where I freeze my fingers off, get shouted at for having my lip ice on the table and a room where I have no memories or life changing moments in it… YET! I still sit at the back and have a window by my desk except now I am looking at a dying tree and the roof of the teacher’s office. Nice view right. Wait it gets better. I have a woman who watches my every move. When she walked in and started to scream I felt better for some weird reason. You see, during matric exams, there was a chic who stood on the stage and shouted and dictated. College exams started to feel like matric finals and I felt better. We got answer booklets and the nerves filled the room and I smiled. And then a change happened… I finished the exam before I looked out the window or even the watch. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I actually care about the exam bit now! Since when do I care about marks??? ME! The one who studys the night before or the morning of( I still do that) but today I finished before I stopped to think about anything. Then my one finger began to itch and I realised who and why I care now. I don’t want to let people down. This career of mine is my passion and I want to do this for the rest of my life and my muse believes in me so I can’t let her down. I will try my best not to anyway.

Without even realising it I began to write a poem at the end of my exam question paper. I am still me:D I just care about marks a bit more now. In stead of seeing my lil sis after my exam, I bbmed her( Thank G-D for technology that is all I am saying) No it is not the same but she is still there. After school they all say that you learn who will be there for life and who was there just because you were in the same area or class as them. Turns out they right! As sad and scary as it is, people show their true colours after school. Now is the time where you have to make the effort to see each other because you are no longer in the same room.

The room is different, my mind set is different and the subjects are different but the one thing that is the same is the one person who has always been there. Today during my exam I realised how much my little sister means to me and how lucky I am to have her in my life. I may not see her as often as I did but she is the most important person in my life. She is my other half and that will never change!!!

So that is my teary story for the day. Have a good day guys

Love
Ash
xxx

Sorry

images[7]
By: Ashlee Zlotnick

I feel so far away
when you really need me near.
You going through the motions,
but I will always be there to steer

you in the right directions
and show you the reasons why.
Forever and always remember…
that’s what I promised you angelpie,

and I plan on keeping that promise
for I have never broken one.
You are my other half.
You stuck with me, that’s done

and dusted.
Nothing can change that.
I knew we were forever
ever since that day you sat

next to me and we spoke.
The rest is all history.
Our sisterhood came naturally
and our bond forever is no mystery.

Here comes the change

Good evening everyone

So far the past few days have been very intense for me. I got heart broken which was not fun at all! My matric results come out on Friday, I spent a lot of time with people I have not seen in a very long time and I have noticed a lot of change that is going on around me…

For example: My dad is planning! He never plans for anything. Normally we would wake up and he would say to us,’Right, what are we doing today?’ or,’let’s go for a drive and see where we land up.’ No not this time. He sat us down tonight and we planned our week. Was very strange.

My one little sister is going through the change. My gosh! She is like a ticking time bomb and at any given second, she could explode! My brother is all grown up and is working. He is learning the value of money and how hard it is to make money. My other little sister is giving me heart failure!!!! She is growing up and hello boys! I now understand why parents want to lock us up and throw away the key. Having said that, they are all growing up into amazing, loving, kind hearted people and I feel honored to be part of that.

As an older sister to them all I have to learn to sit back and watch. There are times where I have to watch them make their own decisions and mistakes and I have to pray that when they need help or advice, they will come to me.

Just like everyone else, I have also changed. My week away with friends has made me realise how much my family mean to me and who is going to be there when we all go our separate ways. I have come to understand my true wants and needs and I have two main goals I NEED to accomplish. First is following my dreams and doing what I love doing. I am talking about my course and dancing. And second is an apartment with my little sister. This is the one thing that has motivated this year. Ever since I thought of an apartment with her, I have made this idea my shining star in a pitch black sky.

Anyway, that is just some of the observations I have made the past few days…

Love
Ash
xxx

Glass

By:Ashlee Zlotnick

For some reason, I see through you.
I tend to know how you feel.
I can’t explain how or why
but I only seem to see what is real.

You are like glass to me.
I can see into your soul.
I guess that’s why you my lil sis.
I tend to make you LOL.

You don’t need to tell me what’s wrong.
I know the real you.
I can make you feel better
or at least I hope I do.

I will always be there
to see right through…
I am after all magical.
You like glass, I see you!

Life right now is confusing

Good afternoon all my amazing viewers. I got to say that I love posting to you guys. It is probably because you always encourage me and help me better my writing and for that I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Your comments really do mean the world to me and I hope that they never stop.

People have been asking me where I am at in life at the moment. To be honest, I am somewhere that is very confusing. Writing right now is the one thing that it helping me come to terms with my feelings and what is going on. Friendship is something that I value a lot. It is something that means everything to me. The thought of not having anyone there to share the joys of life with or the bad stuff, life would just not be the same. In plain English, it would suck. I love my friends with all my heart and all my soul and I would do anything for them but at the moment I feel as if I am drifting from the one (if you know who I am talking about please keep her name to yourself) You see, she used to tell me everything and we always made plans together. Now days, I don’t see her on weekends(granted exams have just been) but that is not an excuse to not talk or even send a simple sms or bbm. I am hurting right now as I am sure it shows but I just don’t know what to do anymore or how to solve it. No matter what the time is or WHO I AM WITH, I will always pick up the phone if she called me or if she needed me I would be there. Guess not everyone does that and it is time I accepted that.

My sister is growing up and it is her Bati soon. That is when a Jewish girl turns 12. She is turning into a woman and it is hard to watch her grow up knowing there is nothing I can do to stop it or keep her little for ever. Guess she will always be my little sis but her does need to grow up at some stage.

So there we go. That is my life at the moment or at least the things that are bothering me. Thanks for listening to me vent and if you have any advice for me, please feel free to comment and give me your advice.

Thanks again and have a rocking weekend

Ash

xxx